Family Virtues – Forgiveness and Mercy

If the burden of pain and resentment are
weighing you down, give up your burdens to
Christ through forgiveness and His mercy.

Christmas is a significant time of year, and not because many stores enter into the black during this chaotic shopping rage known as the holiday season. No, Christmas is significant and relevant to millions of people and for centuries before and yet to come because we celebrate Christ. We love to give gifts and get together with family, but through Christ we can find mercy and forgiveness, which are priceless gifts. 

We as parents can teach our children the power of forgiveness, even if those that have wronged us aren’t asking for it. With forgiveness, it is just as important to give as it is to receive.

Let me summarize a story I’ve been reading to illustrate this point. The original story is Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. It’s a story of survival, resilience and redemption. It is not a story for the faint of heart. It’s from the World War II experiences of Louie Zamperini, and the suffering can be difficult to fathom and possibly more difficult to forget.

Louie was a Bombardier on a B-24 Liberator starting in October 1942. After several successful bombing trips, Louie and the crew crashed in the Pacific Ocean on May 27, 1943. After 43 days of surviving on little to no food in a small rubber raft, while sharks attacked and even jumped onto their boat, Louie and one other survivor were taken captive by the Japanese. Louie was taken to multiple Japanese POW camps, while his family was told he was dead. For more than two years, Louie was starved, kicked, beat and forced to live in conditions deplorable enough that thousands died from starvation and exposure.

Most of the men that lived through the POW camps came home as broken men. They suffered anxiety, nightmares and fits of rage. Louie was haunted in his dreams by a Japanese officer that constantly sought out Louie while in the POW camps. Louie eventually used alcohol to drown his anxiety and nightmares. He was on the verge of losing his wife and daughter because of his alcoholism and abusive behavior. In a final effort, his wife asked Louie to listen to a preacher that was in Los Angeles. They went and the preacher talked about why God allows people to suffer and how God can help us through those troubled times. Louie was feeling anger and was ready to walk out when he finally remembered a promise he made when he was near death on a small yellow boat in the middle of the Pacific. He said, “If you will save me, I will serve you forever.”

Louie was miraculously relieved of his burden he had carried for four years, since being freed from Japan. A miracle only made possible by the power of Christ. Louie forgave his former guards and tormentors. He even felt compassion for the one man who had repeatedly beat him unconscious.

How is it possible to have years of torture and pain erased in an instant? How is it possible to forgive the men responsible for viciously destroying and murdering unarmed captives? How is it possible to remove a burden so heavy it consumes your every thought - even when you are asleep - in an instant?

The answer came in the form of a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes. At Christmas we celebrate the life that allows healing and peace. At Christmas we sing praises for the one who gave his life to save ours. At Christmas we give gifts in honor of the one who offers the supreme gift of exaltation.

So starting now, give the gift of forgiveness and accept the mercy Christ offers. Forgive those that have wronged you and give the burden to the Lord. He is mighty to save. The sooner we can teach our children to forgive and find mercy in Christ, the sooner they will find peace. 

Next Week: Family Virtues – Thrift and Industry

Family Virtues – Learning

Reading together improved literacy for the next generation.
Santa hats optional, but encouraged. :)

“How do you spell ‘accept’?” said my mother after an all night shift at the hospital and only a few hours of sleep. Even though I was young, I knew she was tired and if I waited long enough, she would fall asleep.

“A (pause) c (pause again) s (check her facial expressions to see if I messed up. Oh no, she’s shacking her head, try another letter.) c …” I would say it as slow as I could without making it obvious.

I remember spelling homework going like that frequently. My attempts to get out of homework diminished a lot having to repeat second grade after my original attempt. I was held back because I wasn’t performing like my parents knew I could. From that point on, I played less and focused more.

I want to point out a few things that I learned over the years from these experiences.

1. I went to school to learn, but my parents were going to follow up.
2. School was important enough that my mom would miss sleep to make sure I got my homework done. Over the years, this was true of both parents, as they wouldn’t go to sleep, if one of their children was trying to finish a project.
3. There was an expectation for my effort and performance. Socially this was hard, and I was reminded of it frequently over the next few years when I would see kids I knew in the older grades, and they saw me. My parents wanted me to be grow for the future, not be comfortable in the present.

Family is the ultimate classroom. No matter where your child attends school, public, private or homeschool, the family will always be the most important part. No one will have as great an impact on the student’s learning as his or her parents. We need good teachers, and good school systems, but even the best academic institution cannot and should not try to replace the parents.

A recent study by the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop and the New America Foundation found that only a third of fourth-grade students read at their grade level. Of those only one in six qualify for free school lunches. The study found that the most important factor in their reading ability was parent and student interaction.

It makes sense though, right? If a child sees that reading is important and encouraged at home, then she is much more likely to want to read herself. Research shows a strong correlation between good academic performance and parents with college degrees. If a parent is engaged in the school process with his child, then the child is much more likely to want to excel.

So parents need to follow up with their children after school. Talk to them about what they learned. Show interest in them and their success by giving them your time and attention. Slow down and read with your kids, and ask them what they learned from the book.

In the Old Testament, we learn that Daniel and his friends were selected for their wisdom and understanding. But at least the four we know about, stayed true to the knowledge they received from their parents. They rejected the false traditions of the Babylonians and were blessed with even more knowledge.

Moses gave the charge to the Israelites to teach their children during the feasts. Their children hadn’t seen the Lord part the sea. God wanted the next generation to learn, that he has power to help them.

“And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the Lord your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it.” (Deut. 31:13)

Parents can’t assume someone else will teach their children, or that those teaching will always teach what’s right. The current curriculum may not be what you want your child to think is the gospel truth. God gave you those children, you have a solemn responsibility to teach them truth and virtue.

Over Thanksgiving, I had a special experience with my 5-year-old daughter. We went for a walk together through a lightly wooded area. I picked up a seed and talked about where it came from, how it became a tree and how that tree made more seeds. We climbed trees and talked a little about what trees “eat” and how they get energy from the sun. Then we told stories to each other about adventures in the woods. She won’t remember what I told her, but she will remember me taking time to be with her and how we asked questions about the world around us. I hope to have many more experiences like that with her and my other kids to make learning fun.

Next week: Family Virtues - Forgiveness and Mercy

Family Virtues – Civility

Abby listens to her sister Jessica read a book. Civility is
simply living the Golden Rule. Wouldn't you want someone
to be kind and respectful to you?

When I was in eighth grade, I had a friend that wanted to change positions on the football team. He wanted to play quarterback. I was a running back but knew our offense pretty well, so I offered to help him learn the plays and what the quarterbacks did on each play. He was appreciative of the offer, so we started talking about when and where to go over the plays. I suggested we could meet at my house since we had a fair amount of land. (We also had bushes perfectly spaced out to represent the offensive line. I’m not sure my parents knew I was using the plants for that purpose, but I digress.)

My friend stopped and looked at me, then said, “At your house?”

“Yeah, my house,” I replied.

“You mean I can go to your house?” He asked with a little hesitation.

“Yeah, of course you can.” I responded with a smile.

Then came the reason for his concern, “You mean your parents won’t mind that I’m black?”

I laughed a little and said, “No, my parents don’t care about that. You can come over anytime.”

In my mind, the color of his skin had not even been a thought. I was thinking he needed a ride or had some chores after school that kept him from being able to come to my house. My parents had raised me to love all people and pay attention to who they are on the inside, not what they looked like.

A civil society comes from civility being taught in the home. Laws can’t make people civil and officers can’t enforce respect. Civility is to be courteous, kind, and respectful of people, even if they are different from you.

Is civility really important though?

It apparently was important to the Savior. So important, in fact, that it’s part of the two great commandments.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 “This is the first and great commandment.

 “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matt. 22:37-39)

‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ sounds a lot like the Golden Rule. Isn’t that civility? Respecting others enough to treat them fairly – the way you want to be treated. Don’t we want others to be kind to us? Don’t we want others to be respectful to us? Don’t we want others to care about us?

Simply stated, a civil society follows the Golden Rule.

So how do families teach civility?

First of all, I think the parents must be civil with their own family. If father is rude to mother, it will be hard for his son to be polite to women. If mom is demeaning of father and other people, her daughter will have a hard time being kind to others she meets. If mother and father are disrespectful of other people and their own kids, we can hardly expect their kids to respect others, even their parents.

After working on these relationships, we should look around us and find ways to be courteous, kind and respectful to the people we come in contact with. Again, we should love our neighbor as ourselves, so love should be the motivation for this respect and kindness, not praise. Paul taught the Roman’s this important truth.

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

 “Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.” (Romans 15:1-2)

The Lord gives commandments like ‘love your neighbor,’ not for his enjoyment, but for ours. He knows that if we are respectful and kind to others, we will find joy in getting to know and love others.

I want to share a special challenge. Let Christmas be your excuse for going out of your way to get to know someone better, to be kind to people you don’t know well or rarely talk to. Let it be your gift to God. If you do, I pray the love he shared that first Christmas day will fill your soul. 

 Next Week: Family Virtues – Learning

Family Virtues – Morality

Teach children early what's right and
what's wrong. I don't know what she's doing
but it looks like she got caught doing
something she wasn't supposed to do.

The following story comes from a book that I feel everyone should read (I get no credit or compensation for this mention, I just really like it.) It’s called Standing for Something by Gordon B. Hinckley. He shares the following experience of meeting a young man in an airport in South America. The young man was unkempt, unemployed and traveling in South America on his father’s money. He was a smart man and earnest and sincere as they talked. He told Mr. Hinckley that he wanted peace and freedom. He was using drugs to obtain that peace and believed the current moral standards gave him more freedom than Mr. Hinckley’s generation or any generation before it.

Having learned of Mr. Hinckley’s religious involvement during the introduction, he asked Mr. Hinckley how he could defend personal virtue and moral chastity.

“I shocked him when I declared that his freedom was a delusion, that his peace was a fraud, that they would be bought at great personal and social cost, and that I would tell him why.”

Mr. Hinckley didn’t get to tell him why because they were called to board their planes at that moment, but he outlines it thoroughly in his book. He says, “He represents a generation numbered in the millions who, in search of freedom from moral restraint and peace from guilty conscience, have sought to legitimize, even celebrate practices that enslave and debauch and, if left unchecked, will destroy not only individuals but also the nations of which they are a part.”

What are morals? And why are they so important to families and society?

Morals are defined by Webster dictionary as: “of or relating to principles of right and wrong behavior.” Our moral compass helps us decide what is wrong and right and guides our actions.

For families morals need to be consistent to give the children a standard to learn by and understand the world around them. Children in stable homes have greater advantages over children in unstable homes. If the morals that govern your home are constantly changing or don’t exist, there will not be stability in that home.

In a 1997 nationwide survey, 82 percent of adults who rated their marriage as “very strong” (9 or 10 on a 10-piont scale) did not have premarital sex. Divorce is 32 percent more likely if they do engage in premarital sex. I would say that’s a strong correlation. Strong morals are not debilitating or enslaving. Good morals make life easier because we know what is right and wrong already.

Society’s morals and standards are ever changing. It’s really hard to establish right and wrong if the standard you live by changes with the seasons. God has already set the standard and it doesn’t change. If society’s morals as a whole were stronger, many of the problems we see would be relieved.

Choose ye this day

It starts with us and our families. We must live a higher standard than what is shown on TV. It might help to turn off the TV. The standards shown on TV are society’s morals, not true morals. And if you don’t think it has an effect on your family consider how much companies pay for just 30 seconds during the Super Bowl? If they think they can change your purchasing behavior in 30 seconds, you are surely impacted by an hours of suggestive programming.  

The young man in the first story didn’t believe in answering for his choices or bridling his passions. He lived by what feels good now. Morals help us understand that choices bring consequences, even if it may not be immediate. Joshua was exactly right when he told his people to choose whom they would serve. By choosing not to serve God and live the standards he provides, we ultimately choose to serve the Devil. The addictions of society are a testament to his service.

So in order to have true, lasting freedom I stand with Joshua and say, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Next week: Family Virtues - Civility