The Importance of Fathers

Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children.

On summer while I was in high school, my father made finishing the basement a priority. He was not a builder by trade, but he never let lack of experience keep him from trying to improve our family’s situation. This project taught me many things, but one lesson has helped me a great deal over the years.

I don’t know why I wasn’t helping him one evening. But I heard him hammering, and a grunt of frustration soon followed. I walked in to see what was going on. I noticed the problem and saw the frustration evident in my father’s body language. He didn’t see me and I didn’t say anything. It looked like he was tensing up and ready to make a large hole in the shelves he was building to vent his anger. I watched to see if he would lose it on the shelves.

He didn’t lash out in anger.

I watched him bow his head, and take a couple deep breaths and then study his plans and study the situation to solve the problem.

There are a lot of details I have forgotten over the past 12 or 13 years, but I remember vividly the respect and honor I felt in seeing him control his emotion and calmly address the problem. There have been many times in my life when I felt frustration ready to explode in a rash of undesirable actions, but then I remembered my father’s example and I took a few deep breaths and tried again.

I believe the real importance of fathers in the family is to teach their sons to be men and show their daughters how a man should treat them.

I don’t define being a man the way society defines it. It’s not an age and it’s not a societal distinction that comes with a job. A man is a boy that has learned to love and respect others even if they are different from him. A man is honest with everyone including himself. A man lives the morals and ethics he believes in. A real man accepts responsibility and sacrifices when necessary to fulfill those responsibilities. I believe faith in God is also necessary to fulfill the true measure of a man.

A man is not afraid to love and show that love to his family. One of my favorite parables is the Prodigal Son parable. When the younger son decided to rebel, the father didn’t lock him in his room. He did what was just and allowed his son to learn from his mistakes. But the part that touches my heart every time is in Luke 15:20

“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck and kissed him.”

In my mind, this means the father was still hoping his son would come back and was looking into the distance for his son’s return. He didn’t harbor any bad feelings, he didn’t go inside and wait for him to come crawling for forgiveness. He ran to meet him. He loved his son and he let it show in how he treated him, even though the son didn’t feel like he deserved it.

As a father, I know that I must love and respect my wife if I want my daughter to know how she should be treated. I know that my sons are watching how I treat their mother and I need to be respectful, so they will do accordingly.

Father’s have the charge to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) That means we need to look after their well being, beyond just putting food on the table. Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children. Admonition means a gentle reproof or counsel against fault. Fathers should be fair and consistent, never handing out punishment in anger or abuse.

A father isn’t perfect, and I would never claim to be even close to perfect. But when a father leads by example and is honest, loyal, loving and respectful, he provides more than shelter and clothing. He teaches his kids how to make their own home.

Next week: Learning from children