Family Virtues – Optimism

"Whether You Think You Can or Can't,
You're Right"--Henry Ford

At a previous place of employment, we had a team building activity that taught a lot about the groups effects on our performance. The leader of the session (we’ll call her Jane) picked a young woman (we’ll call her Abby) to leave the room. After Abby left, Jane told all of us to think very negative thoughts about Abby and mentally tell her she couldn’t do the task she would be given. Then Jane went out into the hall and got Abby and asked her to try to lift up her arm while Jane tried to hold it down.

She couldn’t do it. No one said a thing, but we all hoped she wouldn’t be able to do it.

Jane asked Abby, who was feeling a little embarrassed, to leave again. Then Jane asked all of us to think of all the good qualities in Abby, and mentally encourage her to do the task. We agreed and Abby once again was brought into the room. She was asked to pick up her arm while Jane tried to hold it down.

This time Abby was able to do it with little problem. Again, we didn’t say anything, but we knew she could do it. (Besides, she was a stubborn farm girl, she wasn’t going to fail twice. :)

Now I must admit, it’s easy to dismiss this because Jane might have just not pushed as hard, or Abby was more prepared the second time around. But aren’t we more capable when those around us encourage and believe in us? Am I the only one who falters more often when everyone around me expects it?

Specialists from Clemson University wrote an article titled, “Building Family Strengths: Optimism.” In it, Debora Thomason, Ed.D. and Brenda Thames, Ed.D. define optimism as the energy that fuels your thoughts, feelings and actions based on the difference between your expectations and your perceptions of a situation.”

So when we are optimistic about the future, we will have a positive energy in our actions moving forward. If we are optimistic about those around us, we will have positive energy in our feelings towards them.

Optimism isn’t just a good idea. It really does have a lasting impact on families. Researchers from University of California-Davis and Dixie State College wanted to find how optimism impacted those that were prone to economic pressures and early life struggles. They interviewed single African American mothers and their children from Iowa and Georgia. They conducted the interviews four times over 9 years, starting in 1997.

While I won’t go into the whole study (you can read it here), here are some highlights.

·   Mothers that were optimistic tended to be more effective with managing their children.

·   While all the mothers had internalizing symptoms (the research doesn’t explain what that means, but I think it’s when they really believe they are less of a person because of their problems) when economic pressures were high, those that were highly optimistic were significantly better at dealing with internalizing and were more effective parents.

·   Optimism was most impactful when economic struggles were highest, and least impactful when finances were good.

To me, this means believing in our kids and helping them believe in themselves, actually helps us manage our kids better. I also learned from this research that economic pressures don’t determine the optimism. The individual’s optimism determined how they coped with it.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

-- Alexander Graham Bell

On the Clemson University Family Life website, they give some examples of what positive families do. I want to share two of them.

Strong families aspire to:

·   give so much to the improvement of self that there is no time to criticize others; and

·   be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy for the presence of trouble.

The rest of the list is good, so check it out.

Think about the Savior. When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought before him, he didn’t jump in with the others and criticize her. After dismissing them, he didn’t look at her and say, “I’m sure you will make this mistake again.” He said, I believe you will change. So go and sin no more. (Not an exact quote)

So let’s work on strengthening our families by believing in each other. Believe in the future and let your optimism energize your thoughts and actions.

Next week: Family Virtues – Faith and Hope