Involving the Family in Service

Scouts in Twin Falls, Idaho, attach inner tubes to
scrap metal found in the Snake River Canyon,
so it can be floated down the river to a dock.

One Monday night, I wanted to teach my kids about love and showing love through service. At first I wasn’t sure how to make it fun so my 5-, 3- and 1.5-year-old kids would not only understand but enjoy the lesson. I also wanted to make it something we did, not just talk about.

So I told them a story about a little boy named Heber, who got a new red coat. He then gave that coat to a little boy who had no coat at all. When his mom asked about his new red coat, Heber explained what he had done, fearing she would be upset. His mom wasn’t upset but happy he thought to do something to help this other young boy. There is actually a video about it, so we watched the video and talked about the story.

Then each of us cut out four hearts (the 1.5 year old is mostly just going through the motions for the rest of the lesson). I told them that service is a way to show love for others. We are God’s hands when we take time to serve other people. I explained that we should all look for ways to serve each other. When we did service for one of our family members, we would leave a heart for them.

My 5 year old was really excited about this, and she asked for ways to serve immediately. My 3 year old was also very excited and wanted to help too. My daughter asked to make her brother’s bed, read to the youngest and made lunch for me one day. After each act of service, she left a heart. My 3 year old son wanted to help his mom, by putting away her clean socks. He did his best to help make our bed and left a heart for me.

I loved to see the heart in my lunch and on my pillow. I loved to see them excited to help each other. The great part was when the hearts were all given out, they still did service for their family. The simple activity helped them enjoy service and they started to look for ways to serve.  

Any time someone goes out of their way to serve someone else and does it out of love, I believe God gives him or her an increase in love. 2 Timothy 1:6-7

Metal is pulled out of the river at the dock
and taken to a junk yard.

God also gives other blessings when we serve, including knowledge and understanding. Over the years, I have learned how to love orphans, quilt, reroof a house, use a chainsaw, build tables, and float trash metal out of a canyon through service projects. I also learned how not to cut a junk car apart on a canyon wall, but that’s a story for another time.

Service gives you understanding as you interact with other people. It gives you hope and helps you forget your struggles. The interesting part is when you serve others, your problems are more manageable; life gains new perspective. It also helps your kids too.

According to the National Service Learning Clearinghouse organization, kids that have parents who help others and encourage their children to help others are “more likely to internalize prosocial values and attitudes and to help others when they grow up, including responsibility, empathy, and caring for others.”

NSLC advocates integrating service into learning curriculum for all ages, kindergarten through college. They also explain the importance that parent’s play in making service a way of life and not just a random act.

“When parents nurture their child’s sense of compassion and commitment toward their community, we build a better world for now and for the future,” the NSLC website continues. “While doing important community work—feeding the hungry, recording oral histories with elders, working for human rights—service-minded families are raising children and teenagers who are more likely to become civically engaged, thoughtful, caring, and generous adults.”

Don’t forget to talk about service afterwards. Share your feelings, and ask your kids how they feel as they serve. This helps them reflect on what they did and gives them a chance to build on the learning they experienced as they served. A nonprofit called Doing Good Together has some resources to aid in reflecting.

I have to agree with Steven Covey, who said,

"Can you imagine anything more energizing, more unifying, more filled with satisfaction than working with members of your family to accomplish something that really makes a difference in the world?"

Next week:  Attitude with Children

Family Virtues – Optimism

"Whether You Think You Can or Can't,
You're Right"--Henry Ford

At a previous place of employment, we had a team building activity that taught a lot about the groups effects on our performance. The leader of the session (we’ll call her Jane) picked a young woman (we’ll call her Abby) to leave the room. After Abby left, Jane told all of us to think very negative thoughts about Abby and mentally tell her she couldn’t do the task she would be given. Then Jane went out into the hall and got Abby and asked her to try to lift up her arm while Jane tried to hold it down.

She couldn’t do it. No one said a thing, but we all hoped she wouldn’t be able to do it.

Jane asked Abby, who was feeling a little embarrassed, to leave again. Then Jane asked all of us to think of all the good qualities in Abby, and mentally encourage her to do the task. We agreed and Abby once again was brought into the room. She was asked to pick up her arm while Jane tried to hold it down.

This time Abby was able to do it with little problem. Again, we didn’t say anything, but we knew she could do it. (Besides, she was a stubborn farm girl, she wasn’t going to fail twice. :)

Now I must admit, it’s easy to dismiss this because Jane might have just not pushed as hard, or Abby was more prepared the second time around. But aren’t we more capable when those around us encourage and believe in us? Am I the only one who falters more often when everyone around me expects it?

Specialists from Clemson University wrote an article titled, “Building Family Strengths: Optimism.” In it, Debora Thomason, Ed.D. and Brenda Thames, Ed.D. define optimism as the energy that fuels your thoughts, feelings and actions based on the difference between your expectations and your perceptions of a situation.”

So when we are optimistic about the future, we will have a positive energy in our actions moving forward. If we are optimistic about those around us, we will have positive energy in our feelings towards them.

Optimism isn’t just a good idea. It really does have a lasting impact on families. Researchers from University of California-Davis and Dixie State College wanted to find how optimism impacted those that were prone to economic pressures and early life struggles. They interviewed single African American mothers and their children from Iowa and Georgia. They conducted the interviews four times over 9 years, starting in 1997.

While I won’t go into the whole study (you can read it here), here are some highlights.

·   Mothers that were optimistic tended to be more effective with managing their children.

·   While all the mothers had internalizing symptoms (the research doesn’t explain what that means, but I think it’s when they really believe they are less of a person because of their problems) when economic pressures were high, those that were highly optimistic were significantly better at dealing with internalizing and were more effective parents.

·   Optimism was most impactful when economic struggles were highest, and least impactful when finances were good.

To me, this means believing in our kids and helping them believe in themselves, actually helps us manage our kids better. I also learned from this research that economic pressures don’t determine the optimism. The individual’s optimism determined how they coped with it.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

-- Alexander Graham Bell

On the Clemson University Family Life website, they give some examples of what positive families do. I want to share two of them.

Strong families aspire to:

·   give so much to the improvement of self that there is no time to criticize others; and

·   be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy for the presence of trouble.

The rest of the list is good, so check it out.

Think about the Savior. When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought before him, he didn’t jump in with the others and criticize her. After dismissing them, he didn’t look at her and say, “I’m sure you will make this mistake again.” He said, I believe you will change. So go and sin no more. (Not an exact quote)

So let’s work on strengthening our families by believing in each other. Believe in the future and let your optimism energize your thoughts and actions.

Next week: Family Virtues – Faith and Hope