Family Virtues – Civility

Abby listens to her sister Jessica read a book. Civility is
simply living the Golden Rule. Wouldn't you want someone
to be kind and respectful to you?

When I was in eighth grade, I had a friend that wanted to change positions on the football team. He wanted to play quarterback. I was a running back but knew our offense pretty well, so I offered to help him learn the plays and what the quarterbacks did on each play. He was appreciative of the offer, so we started talking about when and where to go over the plays. I suggested we could meet at my house since we had a fair amount of land. (We also had bushes perfectly spaced out to represent the offensive line. I’m not sure my parents knew I was using the plants for that purpose, but I digress.)

My friend stopped and looked at me, then said, “At your house?”

“Yeah, my house,” I replied.

“You mean I can go to your house?” He asked with a little hesitation.

“Yeah, of course you can.” I responded with a smile.

Then came the reason for his concern, “You mean your parents won’t mind that I’m black?”

I laughed a little and said, “No, my parents don’t care about that. You can come over anytime.”

In my mind, the color of his skin had not even been a thought. I was thinking he needed a ride or had some chores after school that kept him from being able to come to my house. My parents had raised me to love all people and pay attention to who they are on the inside, not what they looked like.

A civil society comes from civility being taught in the home. Laws can’t make people civil and officers can’t enforce respect. Civility is to be courteous, kind, and respectful of people, even if they are different from you.

Is civility really important though?

It apparently was important to the Savior. So important, in fact, that it’s part of the two great commandments.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 “This is the first and great commandment.

 “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matt. 22:37-39)

‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ sounds a lot like the Golden Rule. Isn’t that civility? Respecting others enough to treat them fairly – the way you want to be treated. Don’t we want others to be kind to us? Don’t we want others to be respectful to us? Don’t we want others to care about us?

Simply stated, a civil society follows the Golden Rule.

So how do families teach civility?

First of all, I think the parents must be civil with their own family. If father is rude to mother, it will be hard for his son to be polite to women. If mom is demeaning of father and other people, her daughter will have a hard time being kind to others she meets. If mother and father are disrespectful of other people and their own kids, we can hardly expect their kids to respect others, even their parents.

After working on these relationships, we should look around us and find ways to be courteous, kind and respectful to the people we come in contact with. Again, we should love our neighbor as ourselves, so love should be the motivation for this respect and kindness, not praise. Paul taught the Roman’s this important truth.

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

 “Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.” (Romans 15:1-2)

The Lord gives commandments like ‘love your neighbor,’ not for his enjoyment, but for ours. He knows that if we are respectful and kind to others, we will find joy in getting to know and love others.

I want to share a special challenge. Let Christmas be your excuse for going out of your way to get to know someone better, to be kind to people you don’t know well or rarely talk to. Let it be your gift to God. If you do, I pray the love he shared that first Christmas day will fill your soul. 

 Next Week: Family Virtues – Learning