Putting Christ in Christmas

When we try to follow the Wonderful Counselor, we learn
the wisdom of His ways.

I love Christmas. I loved it as a child and I love it now.  There was a time when I was a teenager that Christmas was not very exciting or magical. I needed to rediscover what Christmas meant.

I’m not sure exactly the age when I started to feel empty at Christmas, but I know it was when most of my siblings were gone and Santa was a distant memory. I didn’t have anything to look forward to, and my Christmas list became more and more expensive, therefore, less and less of my list appeared on Christmas morning. It’s not that I didn’t like Christmas, I just wasn’t looking forward to it like I once had. I felt empty.

I remember asking myself, ‘what’s wrong with me? I should be happy at Christmas.’ As the years passed and I matured, I started to understand the problem wasn’t that my desires weren’t being met. It’s that my desires were completely selfish. It’s not that my parents weren’t providing for me or loving me. The problem was that I was not loving others or helping others like I should. I was so focused on me that I forgot Christ in Christmas. I was celebrating “MEmas!”

I never stopped believing in Christ. So it’s not that I forgot the story behind Christmas and its origins. I knew Luke 2 well and could tell anyone what happened that incredible night in Bethlehem. So why was I not finding joy at Christmas?

A Son is Given

Like I said, the problem was that I was self-centered, not Christ-centered. And part of the problem was that I only looked forward to the presents. As a child, it seemed like anything was possible on Christmas. I could get anything. (I’m not sure why we don’t have that same feeling on our birthdays, but I think it might be because a magical man in a red suit isn’t giving us birthday presents, but I digress.)

I was missing the fact that the best gift ever given was the Christ child. I did not appreciate what his life and resurrection meant for mankind and our eternal salvation. I still don’t fully appreciate it, but if I understand it a little better each year, Christmas will always bring me joy.

Now I try to figure out something I can give to Him. He doesn’t need gold or precious oils. Christ wants a humble heart and willing mind.

Wonderful Counselor

Christmas no longer felt empty when I focused on making Christmas special for others. I think that’s part of why Christmas is fun for parents, because we are focused on doing something special for our kids. Because we are celebrating the Saviors birth and life, we should spend time doing what he would do; serving others, visiting the sick and helping those in need.

For the last couple years, we have put up a small manger in our living room. We tell the kids a story about a family that tries to make the manger soft for Jesus through service. In the story, the family would draw a family member’s name and try to do an act of service for that person. Each act of service let them put a straw in the manger. Then by Christmas, Jesus will have a soft bed to sleep in. We practice a modified version of this tradition. Our kids are still small, so we have to help them recognize opportunities to serve, so Catie and I just try to point out service opportunities. They are excited about making a soft bed for Jesus and now the service is natural. They forget to put in the straw most of the time.

The funny thing about helping others is that it helps the giver as well as the receiver. When I spend a couple hours at the food bank, I feel more grateful for what I have and more compassionate for those who need the food bank. When I take time to shovel someone’s driveway, I feel love joy in helping someone. When I call up someone I know is sick and ask how they are doing, I feel more gratitude for my health and compassion for a friend.

These acts and feelings bring us closer to Christ. When we try to follow the Wonderful Counselor’s example, we learn the wisdom of His ways.

The Prince of Peace

Now that I have peace and joy at Christmas (most of the time), I am trying to teach this to my kids. It’s not that Santa is a bad thing, we just try to downplay his role. We try to emphasis Christ’s story and why it’s important. We try to learn from his life and what he did. We spend time talking about the symbols of Christmas and how they can remind us of Christ.

I don’t want my kids to feel empty on Christmas. I believe the best way to do that is fill them with the best news the world has ever received.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

His life and love can fill us and our families with peace if we will learn of Him and follow Him. How you reach that goal in your family is up to you, but I do hope you make that the goal this year and every year.

Merry Christmas!

Next week: Improving family relationships

Attitude with Children - The way we speak.

Recently, I’ve been doing a little experiment. But only I knew about it.

Here is the scenario. My kids, in particular my two boys (an almost 4 year old and a 2 year old), don’t always listen when you ask them to do things. Not only is that frustrating, but human nature says, “if that didn’t work, try saying it again, only louder.” I have done that many times and the volume I end up using sometimes is probably kin to shouting. (Let’s be perfectly clear, I never swear or use degrading language.) I start in a conversational tone, “Please pick up your toys.” Then I say it again with a little more volume and a little more body language. “Please PICK UP YOUR TOYS.” Finally, somewhere between a yell and scream while picking them up and putting them in front of their pile of toys on the floor, I exclaim, “PICK UP YOUR TOYS!”

The rest of the night goes about like this: I feel frustrated because I had to raise my voice, while also feeling justifies because the kids still aren’t listening. The kids are noticeably annoyed with me and are less than amiable with any further requests. In general the mood in the house becomes gloomy and testy and we all can’t wait for bed – well, I can’t wait for them to go to bed, and they don’t want to go to bed, but aren’t as interested in staying up since dad has a burr in his saddle.

So that’s how things would go some nights. It isn’t always that way, and sometimes we don’t always get to dinner before that episode would start, but I didn’t like it and I wanted to change what was going on. I thought long and hard about what I could say to motivate my kids to change their behavior. (Who needed to change, Ryan?) I hadn’t come up with a good answer and that only added to my frustration, but I noticed I needed to do something different.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.  

So, back to my experiment. I was recently reminded of how a woman got the attention of a room full of rowdy kids, and it wasn’t by yelling, threatening or spanking. I was astonished the first time I saw it – actually, every time I saw it.

She quietly whispered.

I couldn’t hear her, at first, but very soon, all the kids quieted down because they wanted to hear what she was saying. So when I was reminded of this through a talk I heard last Sunday, I decided to try it. 

One morning, my 3 year old was in the blinds. I don’t know how many times we have said not to play in the blinds, but there he was doing it again. It did cross my mind to firmly remind him what we expected, but instead I tried saying as quietly and gently as possible, “Son, please get out of the blinds.” He did it right away! I almost gave him a high five and jumped in the air. (It’s the simple pleasures in life. J)

Another night, my daughter got up out of bed and had a few excuses for why she was out of bed. I didn’t change my position, but everything I said was soft and gentle. She didn’t get up anymore, and wasn’t upset with me when she went back in her room.

This actually works with grown-ups too. This blog talks about the “speak softly” technique. Think about it though, who likes to be yelled at or scolded for mistakes? When you think about how the Savior talked to those that came to him. He was clear direct, but respectful and kind. 

Unfortunately, our kids have picked up on this habit of getting louder to make your point. It may take some time to unlearn the bad habit I was teaching my kids.

I think the main take away is obvious: speak unto others as you would have them speak unto you. That usually comes from changing your attitude about the situation. Initially I thought I needed to change their behavior, but I learned that as I changed my behavior, they followed suit.

Next week: Finding answers with God

Family Virtues – Civility

Abby listens to her sister Jessica read a book. Civility is
simply living the Golden Rule. Wouldn't you want someone
to be kind and respectful to you?

When I was in eighth grade, I had a friend that wanted to change positions on the football team. He wanted to play quarterback. I was a running back but knew our offense pretty well, so I offered to help him learn the plays and what the quarterbacks did on each play. He was appreciative of the offer, so we started talking about when and where to go over the plays. I suggested we could meet at my house since we had a fair amount of land. (We also had bushes perfectly spaced out to represent the offensive line. I’m not sure my parents knew I was using the plants for that purpose, but I digress.)

My friend stopped and looked at me, then said, “At your house?”

“Yeah, my house,” I replied.

“You mean I can go to your house?” He asked with a little hesitation.

“Yeah, of course you can.” I responded with a smile.

Then came the reason for his concern, “You mean your parents won’t mind that I’m black?”

I laughed a little and said, “No, my parents don’t care about that. You can come over anytime.”

In my mind, the color of his skin had not even been a thought. I was thinking he needed a ride or had some chores after school that kept him from being able to come to my house. My parents had raised me to love all people and pay attention to who they are on the inside, not what they looked like.

A civil society comes from civility being taught in the home. Laws can’t make people civil and officers can’t enforce respect. Civility is to be courteous, kind, and respectful of people, even if they are different from you.

Is civility really important though?

It apparently was important to the Savior. So important, in fact, that it’s part of the two great commandments.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 “This is the first and great commandment.

 “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matt. 22:37-39)

‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ sounds a lot like the Golden Rule. Isn’t that civility? Respecting others enough to treat them fairly – the way you want to be treated. Don’t we want others to be kind to us? Don’t we want others to be respectful to us? Don’t we want others to care about us?

Simply stated, a civil society follows the Golden Rule.

So how do families teach civility?

First of all, I think the parents must be civil with their own family. If father is rude to mother, it will be hard for his son to be polite to women. If mom is demeaning of father and other people, her daughter will have a hard time being kind to others she meets. If mother and father are disrespectful of other people and their own kids, we can hardly expect their kids to respect others, even their parents.

After working on these relationships, we should look around us and find ways to be courteous, kind and respectful to the people we come in contact with. Again, we should love our neighbor as ourselves, so love should be the motivation for this respect and kindness, not praise. Paul taught the Roman’s this important truth.

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

 “Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.” (Romans 15:1-2)

The Lord gives commandments like ‘love your neighbor,’ not for his enjoyment, but for ours. He knows that if we are respectful and kind to others, we will find joy in getting to know and love others.

I want to share a special challenge. Let Christmas be your excuse for going out of your way to get to know someone better, to be kind to people you don’t know well or rarely talk to. Let it be your gift to God. If you do, I pray the love he shared that first Christmas day will fill your soul. 

 Next Week: Family Virtues – Learning