Family Virtues – Honesty

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Don't wait for the Squirrel to point out a hollow tree.
Honesty will keep your tree strong.

President Abraham Lincoln once shared this story after hearing the distressing report of some Union officers giving precious information to the confederates.

A farmer had a majestic-looking shade tree near his house that was practically perfect – tall, straight. One morning while working outside, the farmer saw a squirrel run up the tree and into a hole. He proceeded to examine the tree carefully and, much to his surprise, he found the stately tree he had valued for it’s beauty, grandeur, and protection from the sun was hollow from top to bottom. Only a rim of sound wood remained, barely sufficient to support its weight. What could he do? If he cut it down, it would do great damage with its great length and spreading branches. If he let it remain, his family was in constant danger. In a storm it might fall, or the wind might blow it down and his house and children could be crushed by it.

When we lie and especially when we get an advantage by lying, we are like the farmer that allows the tree to stand. We see in the news many high-ranking officials and prominent people that have their world turned upside down because their lies are discovered. Their family and the public lose trust in them. A great wind had toppled the tree and they could only watch as it destroys their home. I often wonder if the family knew the tree was hollow? 

A book I read as a boy was Jimmy and the White Lie. Jimmy was playing one day and he hit a ball through his neighbor’s window. He goes inside and when asked what he was doing, tells a little lie. His white lie pops up on his shoulder, looking kind of like a marshmallow. Jimmy isn’t bothered by it because it is so small. But each time Jimmy has to tell another lie to cover his first lie and keep from getting into trouble, the lie on his shoulder gets bigger and bigger. Pretty soon Jimmy is struggling under the weight of this lie. When the lie is as big as his house, Jimmy finally tells the truth and is relieved to have the lie vanish and the burden gone. Jimmy still has to make up for the window, but he realizes that lying makes things worse.

What does lying do to our family? It destroys trust and makes everyone wonder what was real and what was a lie. Everything must be questioned because they can’t believe what you say or even what they saw you do. Like the farmers tree, lies become a threat to family and home when left unresolved. But like Jimmy, when we set the record straight, we lose the burden of the lie and can start to fix what we did. Of course some deceit will take a long time to heal, if ever, but we can change and try to build trust in ourselves and in others.

The Savior gave stern rebuke to the hypocrites, partly because they were lying to themselves and others. In public they put on a face of devotion and piety, but in private they only loved themselves. Their show was for praise of men, while their true self was not committed. Lying to yourself can have a damaging impact. If you can’t trust yourself, you will have a hard time trusting others.

If you have problems with lying or feel like you can’t trust yourself, there is hope. You can change and become a better person. While we can try to turn our lives around by ourselves, the process isn’t going to be complete without the Savior. Jesus Christ is the only way to fix the lies and our soul. When we call on His atoning grace we can find the strength to change.

And why should we change? So the tree of lies won’t crush our families and destroy the house of relationships.

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Next week: Family Virtues - Gratitude