Putting Christ in Christmas

When we try to follow the Wonderful Counselor, we learn
the wisdom of His ways.

I love Christmas. I loved it as a child and I love it now.  There was a time when I was a teenager that Christmas was not very exciting or magical. I needed to rediscover what Christmas meant.

I’m not sure exactly the age when I started to feel empty at Christmas, but I know it was when most of my siblings were gone and Santa was a distant memory. I didn’t have anything to look forward to, and my Christmas list became more and more expensive, therefore, less and less of my list appeared on Christmas morning. It’s not that I didn’t like Christmas, I just wasn’t looking forward to it like I once had. I felt empty.

I remember asking myself, ‘what’s wrong with me? I should be happy at Christmas.’ As the years passed and I matured, I started to understand the problem wasn’t that my desires weren’t being met. It’s that my desires were completely selfish. It’s not that my parents weren’t providing for me or loving me. The problem was that I was not loving others or helping others like I should. I was so focused on me that I forgot Christ in Christmas. I was celebrating “MEmas!”

I never stopped believing in Christ. So it’s not that I forgot the story behind Christmas and its origins. I knew Luke 2 well and could tell anyone what happened that incredible night in Bethlehem. So why was I not finding joy at Christmas?

A Son is Given

Like I said, the problem was that I was self-centered, not Christ-centered. And part of the problem was that I only looked forward to the presents. As a child, it seemed like anything was possible on Christmas. I could get anything. (I’m not sure why we don’t have that same feeling on our birthdays, but I think it might be because a magical man in a red suit isn’t giving us birthday presents, but I digress.)

I was missing the fact that the best gift ever given was the Christ child. I did not appreciate what his life and resurrection meant for mankind and our eternal salvation. I still don’t fully appreciate it, but if I understand it a little better each year, Christmas will always bring me joy.

Now I try to figure out something I can give to Him. He doesn’t need gold or precious oils. Christ wants a humble heart and willing mind.

Wonderful Counselor

Christmas no longer felt empty when I focused on making Christmas special for others. I think that’s part of why Christmas is fun for parents, because we are focused on doing something special for our kids. Because we are celebrating the Saviors birth and life, we should spend time doing what he would do; serving others, visiting the sick and helping those in need.

For the last couple years, we have put up a small manger in our living room. We tell the kids a story about a family that tries to make the manger soft for Jesus through service. In the story, the family would draw a family member’s name and try to do an act of service for that person. Each act of service let them put a straw in the manger. Then by Christmas, Jesus will have a soft bed to sleep in. We practice a modified version of this tradition. Our kids are still small, so we have to help them recognize opportunities to serve, so Catie and I just try to point out service opportunities. They are excited about making a soft bed for Jesus and now the service is natural. They forget to put in the straw most of the time.

The funny thing about helping others is that it helps the giver as well as the receiver. When I spend a couple hours at the food bank, I feel more grateful for what I have and more compassionate for those who need the food bank. When I take time to shovel someone’s driveway, I feel love joy in helping someone. When I call up someone I know is sick and ask how they are doing, I feel more gratitude for my health and compassion for a friend.

These acts and feelings bring us closer to Christ. When we try to follow the Wonderful Counselor’s example, we learn the wisdom of His ways.

The Prince of Peace

Now that I have peace and joy at Christmas (most of the time), I am trying to teach this to my kids. It’s not that Santa is a bad thing, we just try to downplay his role. We try to emphasis Christ’s story and why it’s important. We try to learn from his life and what he did. We spend time talking about the symbols of Christmas and how they can remind us of Christ.

I don’t want my kids to feel empty on Christmas. I believe the best way to do that is fill them with the best news the world has ever received.

“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”

His life and love can fill us and our families with peace if we will learn of Him and follow Him. How you reach that goal in your family is up to you, but I do hope you make that the goal this year and every year.

Merry Christmas!

Next week: Improving family relationships

Family Traditions

What makes holidays, birthdays and any other significant day on your calendar different from the other days of the week? Traditions.

The Christmas tree can be a beautiful tradition,
especially when you teach the symbolism
behind it and the various decorations.

This was particularly clear to me when I lived in Korea for two years. Korea had been a Buddhist dominant culture for many centuries. Christianity had only become a significant part of their civilization in the last fifty years or so. To this day, I think only half of the people consider themselves Christian. So as you can imagine, Christmas was not as big a holiday as it was here in the US. Easter was the same way.

The Fourth of July, the fourth Thursday in November and many other holidays were understandably not celebrated because they hold no significance for the Korean people.

They do have a Chinese New Year, and their own Day of Harvest celebration, which were big holidays. Each was complete with special foods prepared just for the occasion. They would have games, songs, and stories they tell on those days. And best of all, they would spend the day with their families. Sound familiar?

Why are Traditions Important?

No matter where you live, traditions play an important part in our lives. For example:

·         With all the changes a new college student goes through, their first Thanksgiving or Christmas back is usually really special. It reminds them of years before and reestablishes a familiar element in their world of change and often instability.

·         For newlyweds trying to figure out their own traditions, they can decide together what traditions they will keep. It can be a union of the best concepts and practices from both families. They can create their own traditions that are important to them. This is part of establishing their own identity as a new family.

·         For more established families, traditions offer an opportunity to teach. Parents can discuss how they observe that holiday and the reasons behind the traditions. Traditions help teach kids about reverence, honor and beliefs.

The traditions I remember best were centered around family. I would run with my dad on Thanksgiving morning. I loved the noisy conversation around our Thanksgiving feast. I cherished singing Christmas songs around the piano with my family. I looked forward to playing games through the night with my family on New Year’s Eve.

These events and many others helped develop strong family ties that continue to be strong today. I want those ties to be equally strong for the next generation, so Catie and I are creating or continuing family centered traditions for our family.

Traditions are a great way to teach our family. When we take time to discuss why we celebrate Thanksgiving and then discuss what we are thankful for, we help teach our kids to be grateful. When we focus our Christmas traditions around Christ, we teach our kids to focus on Christ and not on Santa. When we focus on Christ at Easter, we teach our kids to hope for Salvation because the Tomb was empty.

The opposite is true too. If we center all of our traditions on whimsical ideas, we shouldn’t be surprised when our kids are disappointed by those traditions in the future. (Just wanted to throw that out as food for thought.)

Everyday Traditions

Traditions don’t just apply to holidays. Sabbath observance can be a tradition in a way. In the Ten Commandments, the Lord said to keep the Sabbath holy. The Jews then created a long list of laws and rules for the Sabbath. Nowadays, what we do on the Sabbath each week is largely up to us. For my family growing up, we went to church, spent time together as a family and mostly kept the TV off. We often wore our “Sunday best” all day to help us remember what day it was. We also had a tradition of reading the scriptures and praying together as a family each day. The overriding lesson I learned through all of this was that God and family are so important we set aside time each day and then a whole day each week to spend with them.

Now Catie and I are trying to establish our own traditions. We travel to see family. We tell the story of Pilgrims at Thanksgiving and count our blessings. We focus on Christ and emphasis that Santa’s giving is a symbol of the gifts the wise men brought to the Christ Child. We read the scriptures and pray together every day. We want the traditions we keep to reflect our values.

What traditions do you remember best from your youth? What are your favorite traditions now?

Next week: Christ in Christmas

Little Prayers of Gratitude

Our oldest absolutely adores the new addition to our family.
The boys love her too. We say little prayers of gratitude for
all of them every day.

Catie was pregnant with our fourth child. This would be the fourth child in 6 years (all planned and loved, but a handful none-the-less). This pregnancy has been harder than the other three. The sickness lasting longer, sleep eluding her more frequently towards the end and energy almost nonexistent at times.

All of this was taking a toll physically and mentally. Her apprehension growing as the due date drew nearer. She dreaded the pain she knew was coming, and even began questioning whether she was prepared to go through it all and the sleepless nights that would follow.

This buildup of stress, tension and worry not only affected Catie, but how she treated others. Her relationships with the kids were strained and not as full as normal. She was irritated quickly; no patience for young energetic boys prone to be loud and slightly destructive.

Two weeks before our little girl came into our family, Catie bravely faced the situation and decided she needed to change. She prayed for help, for something she could do to gain control and find happiness in the new life that would be joining our family. As is often the case, God answered her prayer through small and simple means.

Catie read a blog post by a woman that gave little prayers of gratitude throughout the day, which helped her see the blessings more easily. This helped the woman stay positive and happier. So Catie decided to give it a try. She would offer her normal prayers, but added little prayers of gratitude throughout the day. She noticed the sunshine and thanked God for it. She watched our kids laugh with each other, and offered a prayer of thanks. She quietly thanked God for the kind words of a friend.

What she realized after a few weeks was that her capacity to deal with her struggles was enlarged. She felt loved. She felt stronger because she was recognizing all the times God was helping her. Catie was feeling happiness because she was taking the time to see and acknowledge the joy already in her life. Now that our baby is born, Catie continues to say little prayers of gratitude, even for a three hour stretch of sleep during the night.

I recently read a very good book by Jeff Goins called The In-Betweens. He chronicles some of the experiences in his life that taught him this important principle. He encourages the reader to slow down, live in the moment and enjoy what God has already done in your life. Instead of waiting to be happy when you get to the next big thing, he suggests you embrace life as it’s happening. Often this means slowing down, and enjoying the people around you. Waiting isn’t a bad thing. Maybe it’s in those times when you must wait, that you should offer up a little prayer of gratitude.

Next week: Importance of Family Traditions

I don’t receive any compensation for this mention of Jeff’s book. I did get to meet him once in Tennessee and have enjoyed his blog. It’s an insightful book and worth your time and money if you are intrigued by what I have shared. He is a very good writer.

Practicing Patience

The key to patience is perspective. As we look beyond
our immediate circumstance, we may see that
the clouds are about to part and bring sunshine.

The story of Abraham is the ultimate story of patience. He truly spent his life waiting for the one thing he desired most: children. Abraham was a great man. Having children was a big deal in their culture and especially to a man of God like Abraham. (Our society doesn’t place the same emphasis on having children, especially for women, but I digress.) When they take the time to record that his wife was barren, you have to believe it was a big blow for Abraham and his wife, especially for such a detail to last in the records for thousands of years.

Then we read in Genesis chapter 11 that Abram (this is before the name change), who was now 75 years old, was promised that God would make out of him a great nation. And God would make Abram’s name great.

It seems to me that Abraham would understand this to mean he would be given children. You can’t have a great nation of two. And to make your name great – in a day without celebrities, social media or newspapers – meant having at least some children to carry on that name as they changed the world around them.

Then after Abraham travels to Canaan, he again is told more directly that this land would be given to his posterity. They weren’t immediately given children though. They had to go to Egypt for a few years to escape a famine in the land and then when they got back, Sarah was still barren. Abraham still didn’t lose faith, and the Lord continued to give him assurances that he would have children.  

After many more years and a son name Ishmael through Hagar, the Lord again comes to Abraham and tells him he would have posterity through Sarah. Abraham marveled (when it says he laughed in his heart, I think that means he was happy. I don’t think a man like Abraham would have laughed at God) at this since he was 100 years old and Sarah was 90.

Finally the great day came, and Abraham was given a son. Waiting on the Lord to give them a son for 100 years would surely have been trial enough, but then he was commanded to kill him. We know how it turns out, but all those years of trusting in the Lord made it possible for Abraham to endure this greatest trial.

Paul explained it well to the Hebrews.

 “That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

 “For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he sware by himself,

 “Saying, Surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee.

 “And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.” (Hebrews 6:12-15)

Paul was trying to teach the people that life will be hard but pushing on in faith and patience is how we get the prize. Patience isn’t idleness. Abraham didn’t sit in a hammock just waiting for the Lord to give him kids. He was continually showing the Lord he was willing to follow Him. Paul was teaching the Hebrews that they needed to be doing good while they waited upon the Lord.

That’s a phrase that’s kind of hard to swallow: waiting upon the Lord. Isaiah used it when he talked about perseverance. (There are other references, but this one communicates the point.)

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) 

So what does all this have to do with family?

From a parent’s perspective, a lot! I struggle with patience sometimes. I have high expectations for my kids and I want them to be good, even at a young age. So even writing this blog post was difficult since I am constantly falling short on this virtue.

I think the best way to practice patience, and therefore get better at it, is to take a second to put things in perspective. I think Abraham had many nights when he prayed to God, asking about the family he was promised. Abraham didn’t become consumed by his grief because he had perspective. He knew that God could do great things. He also knew that God does things in His own time.

So when you are frustrated or angry that things aren’t turning out like you expected, take a minute to put it into perspective. If you are eagerly keeping the Lord’s commandments, He will bless you in His time and according to his will.

Next week: Gratitude

Building a Stable Home

While I was dating my future wife in college, and our relationship progressed toward marriage, I started

Life is tough, but with a stable home, kids
can learn from those bumps.

thinking about the future. I had seen many marriages end in divorce and I didn’t want that to happen to me and my future family. So I asked for advice from a man I respected, whom I knew had been happily married for longer than I had been alive, and had successfully navigated financial, health and emotional struggles with his wife.

“So dad, how did you know you should marry mom?” I asked one evening. “What was it about her that convinced you she would be a lasting companion for you.”

“One thing I really respected about your mom was her emotional stability,” he responded. “I knew we needed that in our home.”

He also said that she had strengths where he had weaknesses, and vice versa. Like complementary colors, their strengths and weaknesses helped to create a stable home for me and my 9 siblings. Coincidentally, it was when I realized that my wife’s strengths would help strengthen my weaknesses that I knew I wanted to marry her.

Parental Balance

 In the years that followed, I learned that in order to make a stable home, it’s not enough to completely divide duties based on existing strengths. Sure it would be easy to say, ‘you are so good at cleaning the dishes, much better than me, so I’ll let you do it.’ Or one might be tempted to say, ‘I’m much better with the money, I’ll balance the checkbook and let you know what we can spend.’

Balance doesn’t come from conceding or taking control because of strengths, it comes as those with strength help the other develop strength. When we help someone grow, we grow too.

Another quick story, one day my dad was trying to get all our camping stuff to fit on a newly built shelf. We had more stuff than shelf and my dad and I were trying to figure out the puzzle. (Actually, I was more watching and providing moral support rather than moving anything, but I digress.) My dad is very analytical and thorough in his thought process. Even though his hands weren’t moving, I could see his mind working with the shapes and trying to figure out a solution. 

After some time, my mom came out and asked how it was going. After a brief explanation of little hope of getting all the stuff to fit, my mom suggested something obvious. My dad responded that he had tried it and even went through the trouble of trying it again while she stood there, explaining the problem that still remained. My mom was gifted with thinking outside the box and suggested something that I was sure wouldn’t work. I dismissed it and almost said as much but then my dad made a comment that showed he actually considered it. This led to him eventually figuring out how to solve his problem. 

I can’t tell you how many times I saw this happen but the pattern was consistent. Here is the simple pattern:

·         Dad analyzed the situation, worked on a problem (His strength).

·         If unsuccessful, mom would join and offer a solution, sometimes before fully understanding the problem (mother of 10, you can imagine she didn’t have time to look at every angle before needing to find a solution).

·         Dad respectfully acknowledged her suggestion, explained more details and continued to think about the problem.

·         Mom would help him think of another solution, one perhaps he wouldn’t have thought of because she took a different approach (her strength).

·         Dad and mom came to a good conclusion that solved the problem.

This seems easy, but I know practice is harder. Consider the frustration when a problem you have been working on seems insurmountable. Then to have someone, even a spouse, come and offer a solution that’s obvious. It’s easier to vent frustration at that person then to acknowledge their desire to help you. However, when we treat others with respect and love, we keep things in perspective and find solutions. Another reason we need to help each other improve is because the one with the strength may not always be around. When it’s dad’s duty to put the kids to bed because mom is not home, mom’s patience won’t help. Dad needs his own patience.

Effects of a Stable Home

Have you ever watched a movie that was constantly changing main characters? If you have you probably don’t remember what the movie was trying to convey, or have any attachment to any of the characters.

Or have you ever worked for a person that always changed the standards by which you were measured or the goals you were working for? If so, you probably found it hard to succeed because of the fluctuation of circumstances in your work.

So it’s not hard to imagine why divorce and uninvolved, inconsistent parents make it hard for kids to grow up to be committed, responsible adults.

Claire Kamp Dush, assistant professor of human development and family science at Ohio State University, authored a study evaluating the development of kids in single and married homes. She found that kids who grew up in stable homes, married or single, fared better than kids that had unstable home lives. Even behavior problems were significantly less for kids in stable homes than unstable homes, regardless of race. Kamp Dush said that cognitive stimulation and emotional support were the only consistent advantages for children in married stable homes.

I’d say those are important benefits. I also say that it’s hard to establish a stable home when you are relying only on your strengths and weaknesses. You don’t have someone to help you improve and grow.

God gave Adam an help meet. I think that was to help them grow more than it was to help the garden grow. Together they grew and together they raised kids.

Next week: Listening to Each Other

Finding Answers from God

One of the many neat quotes in the Library of Congress.

Getting a two year old to transition from a crib to a toddler bed is frustrating. 2 year olds aren’t called sit-and-waiters, they are called toddlers. They want to be up and moving around at all times. Cribs are great because they keep them contained. It only takes so long before the limited space becomes boring and they decide to give up and go to sleep.

However, when a toddler becomes a climber, it’s time to move to a bed. Our 2 year old figured out how to climb out of his crib and we didn’t want to be awakened one night to a scream because the escapist fell out of bed and hurt himself.

So the first night of sleeping in a bed had come and I was trying my hardest to figure out how to get this little boy to stay in his bed. Telling him didn’t do it. Bribing didn’t work. Threatening didn’t work for long. What was I to do?

Well I knew this topic was coming up for my blog, so I thought I better put my theory to the test. That is, I believe we can find the answers to our problems in the scriptures if we read, ponder and pray for guidance. So that’s what I did, and it worked. This is what happened.

I went into his room, and sat down on the floor. I pulled out my phone, which has the scriptures on it, and started reading aloud Joshua chapter 1. By the time I got to the end of Joshua chapter 3, my 2-year-old son was asleep. Not exactly a miracle, since reading has put me to sleep many times, but it was an answer to my problems.

Seriously though, we can find real answers for life now by reading the scriptures. And I think it can really help families to find answers this way. First of all, the scriptures contain eternal truth. Second, searching for answers gives us a new perspective. And finally, it develops faith.

Eternal Truth

The difference between eternal truth and man’s truth is how long it stands before being disproven. Eternal truth is established by God and will never be disproven, hence being eternal. Man’s truth is an attempt to make sense of things and is good, most of the time, but it is not complete. So we need to establish our lives on eternal truths. Jesus said it himself, “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:” (Matt. 7:24) We know the parable; no matter what came, the house stood still because it was grounded on a solid foundation. When we base our decisions on eternal truths, we will be much better off.

I must say that we may not always understand eternal truths correctly, but at least we are starting with a pure source. If we continue to learn and try to apply what we know, our knowledge and understanding will grow.

New Perspective

Consulting scripture when you have problems helps you gain a new perspective. When we have a problem, we tend to think about it with only one view point. When we talk to someone else about our problems, they see it differently. This can often help us find a good solution to our problems because we see more options.

The scriptures offer a true story with real outcomes. We get to see two or more sides to a story as the stories unfold. If we think about what we are reading, God can enlighten our minds and we will see our lives more clearly.

Develop Faith

Searching for answers with a prayer in our heart and an open mind is an exercise in faith. As we try to understand God’s will for us and desire to follow that knowledge, we add layers of bricks to that house built on the Rock of our Redeemer. And families fixed on that kind of faith will be able to withstand the storms that will come.

Does It Work?

I have had many experiences but to illustrate what I mean, I want to share one experience. One day I was trying to figure out if I should start a new venture, which I knew would take some time and hard work. Like most people, I am busy, so finding time for this opportunity was a difficult decision. To make matters worse, there was no sure or immediate return on investment of this time. If I did it, I knew that it may be a labor of love more than a labor of monetary gain.

So I started by saying a prayer. I asked God to guide me and help me understand what was right for me and my family. So I opened my bible and started reading. I found a verse that said Ryan will do this that and the other and it will have this result. I closed the bible and lived happily ever after.

OK, it wasn’t that easy and it never is. I did open my bible and started reading. I read a chapter or two and as I reflected on what I read, one part stood out more than the rest. It was relevant to what I was wonder, so I noted that and opened to another section. I read a page or two and realized the theme of the story also related to my decision. This continued a few more times and then I reviewed what I had pondered and read. I tried to understand what it meant and then prayed again. I felt peace and decided I had my answer.

Sometimes, the answer comes in the scripture I read recently rather than just opening and reading, but I do spend some time reading and pondering. As I got more familiar with the scriptures, I knew where to find the stories that were related to what I was going through and then I could find my answers easier.

The moral of the story is God is trying to talk to us and give us understanding. When we listen and try to follow his words, we will not be disappointed. We will always learn.

Next week: Building a stable home

Family Culture

Each generation must learn who they are,
and then pass on a heritage for the next generation.
What legacy will you pass on?

A friend of mine from New Zealand named Henry Higgins, served a mission in Korea at the same time I did. He was always happy to talk about his Maori heritage. He beamed as he flashed his tongue, chanted the haka, and shared stories from their culture.

As a new missionary, I was also immersing myself in the Korean culture. I was learning about their language, their history, customs and traditions, which all seemed beautiful and wonderful to me. Since I was going to be serving them, I wanted to know a lot about them and I had a great love and respect for their culture. 

At this time, I was struggling with my own identity though. I had seen a few cultures first hand, in Mexico, Guatemala, Hawaii, now Korea, and I started to wonder about my own heritage. Did I have any cool dances passed down from generation to generation? Did I have any neat stories about courage and survival? Did I have a language my ancestors used to communicate their thoughts and feelings? 

Unfortunately, I felt a void and it made me sad.

After a while, I realized that I did have a great heritage (though I don’t think we have any cool dances like the Haka), and I had forgotten it. I do have great stories of survival and courage from ancestors.

I also realized the most important culture I have is not tied to blood lines but the blood of Christ. The gospel culture of rebirth, faith and devotion to God is a culture that has deeply influenced my family. It’s a culture of love, forgiveness and change through our merciful Lord and Redeemer. 

I know about my Christian culture, but how do I pass it along to my kids?

Share it with a Smile
When I asked Henry about the Haka, he smiled and told me about where it came from and what it meant and then offered to show me how to do it. He was often showing others and was happy to do it. Christians have the gospel or “good news,” and we should share it with a smile to our kids. When I tell my kids about the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I want to do it with a smile because of what it means to me. When I explain my reasons for moral and ethical values, I don’t want to pout. I want to gladly explain the reasons I want to live a better life.

Share it with a Song
Music and dance are often outward expressions of cultures around the world. We can put vigor and energy into them that goes beyond simple words. The crescendo in the national anthem stirs my heart and reminds me of my heritage every time I hear it. Similar feelings come when I sing Amazing Grace to my kids at night. My wife and I have set a tradition in our home to sing songs to our kids right before they go to sleep. It’s a nightly reminder of our Christian heritage. The songs I learned growing up became a strength to me when I was afraid, discouraged and struggling. I hope to pass that on to my kids, so they will know where true strength comes from.

Share it with Stories
Every culture I know of has some traditional story about how man was created and the world was formed. Whether it involves tigers or tides, they are passed on from generation to generation. Often they are symbolic of a balance of nature and unseen powers. Older members of the culture feel it a duty to share important events and concepts through stories to the younger generation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard David and Goliath, but I still love that story. I want my children to be very familiar with the Easter story, and many others from the scriptures. As I mentioned in an earlier post, children put themselves in the stories they hear. Tell them good stories from the Christian heritage and they will find the faith they need when they face their own Goliath.

Next week:  Attitude with Children

Learning through parables

Children usually put themselves into the story, often as the
main character, and think about how they would act.

One night as we drove home from some errands, my kids asked me to tell a story. Earlier in the day, I had tried to explain why it’s important not to fake being hurt or tell adults something was wrong when it really wasn’t. So I used this opportunity to tell my kids about the boy who cried wolf. I explained that the boy only cried wolf the first two times because he was bored and wanted to see what the town’s people would do. But the third time, when the wolf really came, the people didn’t believe him and came after it was too late.

While the motive was good, my 5-year-old daughter didn’t think so much about the moral as she did about the wolf. For the next week or two we were answering a lot of questions about wolves and reassuring her there weren’t any wolves in our area. Our 3-year-old son hasn’t stopped talking about fighting wolves since then.

While my story is not a model of success, it helps to illustrate a couple points about teaching through parables.

1. Puts things into perspective

A parable is generally a story that takes divine or eternal truth and compares it to things that are material or physical in nature. Jesus did this to help people grasp the concept and make it plain to understand (for some, which we will cover next).

My favorite story of teaching through parables actually comes from the Old Testament. Shortly after King David lost control of his will power and made a series of bad decisions that lead to his falling from favor with the Lord, Nathan the prophet shows up. While he had every right to launch into a stern rebuke and give David a tongue lashing he wouldn’t soon forget, he didn’t. He started by telling David a story about two men with sheep. One had many sheep and was a very rich man. The other was a poor man with only one sheep, but he loved it very much. The rich man takes the poor man’s sheep and serves it to some guests, instead of killing one of his own sheep. David was outraged and was ready to have the rich man killed for this abomination.

Nathan’s response was “Thou art the man,” (2 Samuel 12:7) and then he delivered the rebuke. So why did Nathan start with a story? It made David put things into perspective. Instead of David immediately putting up defenses and excuses, he acted as his own judge. When the names were revealed, David realized he had no excuse for his actions.

We can use stories to help our kids understand principles that would otherwise be over their heads, or difficult to understand. Through comparisons with things that are familiar, unfamiliar concepts come to life.

2. Allows for deeper understanding

As we learn in the scriptures, Jesus used parables so those that had ears to hear could hear, while keeping those that only wanted to argue were deaf to the truth. The parables can be understood very simply as a story. Then as you think about the story and think about the setting, the characters and plot, you begin to understand more about how they feel and what is important about the story. For those that take time to think about the story, the meaning becomes clear and the truth is evident. For those that don’t believe, the story is elementary and doesn’t deserve any more thought.

When teaching children, I would suggest following the Savior’s example. After he told the parables, his disciples didn’t always understand what he meant by it. So Jesus would discuss it with them and help them understand. We need to talk about the stories we tell and where the truth in the story lies. The wise man didn’t just build on a hard surface; he built his life on the Rock of Salvation and lived according to His teachings. Ask them questions and find out what they understand, and then you know where to add perspective.

3. Provides an opportunity for application of principles

As a social worker and psychotherapist, Betty J. Freedson explains that kids see themselves in stories. They identify with characters and internalize the message, which will seem like inner wisdom later on. In other words, they have put themselves in the position of the main character and faced a decision in their minds, long before they have to face it in real life.

My kids showed this that night when I told them about the boy who cried wolf. They were fixed on trying to figure out what they would do if they had to face a wolf. They put themselves in the story as the main character. It was up to me to help them understand that the problem wasn’t the wolf, because others would come and help, if the boy would just tell the truth.

The main point is that parents can’t just leave it at the story. Parables contain truth that never dies, it just has to be applied. Parents have to help their kids learn the application, which will help them in the future as they find other applications.

Next week: Marriage = More than I Do’s