Family Traditions

What makes holidays, birthdays and any other significant day on your calendar different from the other days of the week? Traditions.

The Christmas tree can be a beautiful tradition,
especially when you teach the symbolism
behind it and the various decorations.

This was particularly clear to me when I lived in Korea for two years. Korea had been a Buddhist dominant culture for many centuries. Christianity had only become a significant part of their civilization in the last fifty years or so. To this day, I think only half of the people consider themselves Christian. So as you can imagine, Christmas was not as big a holiday as it was here in the US. Easter was the same way.

The Fourth of July, the fourth Thursday in November and many other holidays were understandably not celebrated because they hold no significance for the Korean people.

They do have a Chinese New Year, and their own Day of Harvest celebration, which were big holidays. Each was complete with special foods prepared just for the occasion. They would have games, songs, and stories they tell on those days. And best of all, they would spend the day with their families. Sound familiar?

Why are Traditions Important?

No matter where you live, traditions play an important part in our lives. For example:

·         With all the changes a new college student goes through, their first Thanksgiving or Christmas back is usually really special. It reminds them of years before and reestablishes a familiar element in their world of change and often instability.

·         For newlyweds trying to figure out their own traditions, they can decide together what traditions they will keep. It can be a union of the best concepts and practices from both families. They can create their own traditions that are important to them. This is part of establishing their own identity as a new family.

·         For more established families, traditions offer an opportunity to teach. Parents can discuss how they observe that holiday and the reasons behind the traditions. Traditions help teach kids about reverence, honor and beliefs.

The traditions I remember best were centered around family. I would run with my dad on Thanksgiving morning. I loved the noisy conversation around our Thanksgiving feast. I cherished singing Christmas songs around the piano with my family. I looked forward to playing games through the night with my family on New Year’s Eve.

These events and many others helped develop strong family ties that continue to be strong today. I want those ties to be equally strong for the next generation, so Catie and I are creating or continuing family centered traditions for our family.

Traditions are a great way to teach our family. When we take time to discuss why we celebrate Thanksgiving and then discuss what we are thankful for, we help teach our kids to be grateful. When we focus our Christmas traditions around Christ, we teach our kids to focus on Christ and not on Santa. When we focus on Christ at Easter, we teach our kids to hope for Salvation because the Tomb was empty.

The opposite is true too. If we center all of our traditions on whimsical ideas, we shouldn’t be surprised when our kids are disappointed by those traditions in the future. (Just wanted to throw that out as food for thought.)

Everyday Traditions

Traditions don’t just apply to holidays. Sabbath observance can be a tradition in a way. In the Ten Commandments, the Lord said to keep the Sabbath holy. The Jews then created a long list of laws and rules for the Sabbath. Nowadays, what we do on the Sabbath each week is largely up to us. For my family growing up, we went to church, spent time together as a family and mostly kept the TV off. We often wore our “Sunday best” all day to help us remember what day it was. We also had a tradition of reading the scriptures and praying together as a family each day. The overriding lesson I learned through all of this was that God and family are so important we set aside time each day and then a whole day each week to spend with them.

Now Catie and I are trying to establish our own traditions. We travel to see family. We tell the story of Pilgrims at Thanksgiving and count our blessings. We focus on Christ and emphasis that Santa’s giving is a symbol of the gifts the wise men brought to the Christ Child. We read the scriptures and pray together every day. We want the traditions we keep to reflect our values.

What traditions do you remember best from your youth? What are your favorite traditions now?

Next week: Christ in Christmas

Little Prayers of Gratitude

Our oldest absolutely adores the new addition to our family.
The boys love her too. We say little prayers of gratitude for
all of them every day.

Catie was pregnant with our fourth child. This would be the fourth child in 6 years (all planned and loved, but a handful none-the-less). This pregnancy has been harder than the other three. The sickness lasting longer, sleep eluding her more frequently towards the end and energy almost nonexistent at times.

All of this was taking a toll physically and mentally. Her apprehension growing as the due date drew nearer. She dreaded the pain she knew was coming, and even began questioning whether she was prepared to go through it all and the sleepless nights that would follow.

This buildup of stress, tension and worry not only affected Catie, but how she treated others. Her relationships with the kids were strained and not as full as normal. She was irritated quickly; no patience for young energetic boys prone to be loud and slightly destructive.

Two weeks before our little girl came into our family, Catie bravely faced the situation and decided she needed to change. She prayed for help, for something she could do to gain control and find happiness in the new life that would be joining our family. As is often the case, God answered her prayer through small and simple means.

Catie read a blog post by a woman that gave little prayers of gratitude throughout the day, which helped her see the blessings more easily. This helped the woman stay positive and happier. So Catie decided to give it a try. She would offer her normal prayers, but added little prayers of gratitude throughout the day. She noticed the sunshine and thanked God for it. She watched our kids laugh with each other, and offered a prayer of thanks. She quietly thanked God for the kind words of a friend.

What she realized after a few weeks was that her capacity to deal with her struggles was enlarged. She felt loved. She felt stronger because she was recognizing all the times God was helping her. Catie was feeling happiness because she was taking the time to see and acknowledge the joy already in her life. Now that our baby is born, Catie continues to say little prayers of gratitude, even for a three hour stretch of sleep during the night.

I recently read a very good book by Jeff Goins called The In-Betweens. He chronicles some of the experiences in his life that taught him this important principle. He encourages the reader to slow down, live in the moment and enjoy what God has already done in your life. Instead of waiting to be happy when you get to the next big thing, he suggests you embrace life as it’s happening. Often this means slowing down, and enjoying the people around you. Waiting isn’t a bad thing. Maybe it’s in those times when you must wait, that you should offer up a little prayer of gratitude.

Next week: Importance of Family Traditions

I don’t receive any compensation for this mention of Jeff’s book. I did get to meet him once in Tennessee and have enjoyed his blog. It’s an insightful book and worth your time and money if you are intrigued by what I have shared. He is a very good writer.

Practicing Patience

The key to patience is perspective. As we look beyond
our immediate circumstance, we may see that
the clouds are about to part and bring sunshine.

The story of Abraham is the ultimate story of patience. He truly spent his life waiting for the one thing he desired most: children. Abraham was a great man. Having children was a big deal in their culture and especially to a man of God like Abraham. (Our society doesn’t place the same emphasis on having children, especially for women, but I digress.) When they take the time to record that his wife was barren, you have to believe it was a big blow for Abraham and his wife, especially for such a detail to last in the records for thousands of years.

Then we read in Genesis chapter 11 that Abram (this is before the name change), who was now 75 years old, was promised that God would make out of him a great nation. And God would make Abram’s name great.

It seems to me that Abraham would understand this to mean he would be given children. You can’t have a great nation of two. And to make your name great – in a day without celebrities, social media or newspapers – meant having at least some children to carry on that name as they changed the world around them.

Then after Abraham travels to Canaan, he again is told more directly that this land would be given to his posterity. They weren’t immediately given children though. They had to go to Egypt for a few years to escape a famine in the land and then when they got back, Sarah was still barren. Abraham still didn’t lose faith, and the Lord continued to give him assurances that he would have children.  

After many more years and a son name Ishmael through Hagar, the Lord again comes to Abraham and tells him he would have posterity through Sarah. Abraham marveled (when it says he laughed in his heart, I think that means he was happy. I don’t think a man like Abraham would have laughed at God) at this since he was 100 years old and Sarah was 90.

Finally the great day came, and Abraham was given a son. Waiting on the Lord to give them a son for 100 years would surely have been trial enough, but then he was commanded to kill him. We know how it turns out, but all those years of trusting in the Lord made it possible for Abraham to endure this greatest trial.

Paul explained it well to the Hebrews.

 “That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

 “For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he sware by himself,

 “Saying, Surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee.

 “And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.” (Hebrews 6:12-15)

Paul was trying to teach the people that life will be hard but pushing on in faith and patience is how we get the prize. Patience isn’t idleness. Abraham didn’t sit in a hammock just waiting for the Lord to give him kids. He was continually showing the Lord he was willing to follow Him. Paul was teaching the Hebrews that they needed to be doing good while they waited upon the Lord.

That’s a phrase that’s kind of hard to swallow: waiting upon the Lord. Isaiah used it when he talked about perseverance. (There are other references, but this one communicates the point.)

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) 

So what does all this have to do with family?

From a parent’s perspective, a lot! I struggle with patience sometimes. I have high expectations for my kids and I want them to be good, even at a young age. So even writing this blog post was difficult since I am constantly falling short on this virtue.

I think the best way to practice patience, and therefore get better at it, is to take a second to put things in perspective. I think Abraham had many nights when he prayed to God, asking about the family he was promised. Abraham didn’t become consumed by his grief because he had perspective. He knew that God could do great things. He also knew that God does things in His own time.

So when you are frustrated or angry that things aren’t turning out like you expected, take a minute to put it into perspective. If you are eagerly keeping the Lord’s commandments, He will bless you in His time and according to his will.

Next week: Gratitude

Finding Answers from God

One of the many neat quotes in the Library of Congress.

Getting a two year old to transition from a crib to a toddler bed is frustrating. 2 year olds aren’t called sit-and-waiters, they are called toddlers. They want to be up and moving around at all times. Cribs are great because they keep them contained. It only takes so long before the limited space becomes boring and they decide to give up and go to sleep.

However, when a toddler becomes a climber, it’s time to move to a bed. Our 2 year old figured out how to climb out of his crib and we didn’t want to be awakened one night to a scream because the escapist fell out of bed and hurt himself.

So the first night of sleeping in a bed had come and I was trying my hardest to figure out how to get this little boy to stay in his bed. Telling him didn’t do it. Bribing didn’t work. Threatening didn’t work for long. What was I to do?

Well I knew this topic was coming up for my blog, so I thought I better put my theory to the test. That is, I believe we can find the answers to our problems in the scriptures if we read, ponder and pray for guidance. So that’s what I did, and it worked. This is what happened.

I went into his room, and sat down on the floor. I pulled out my phone, which has the scriptures on it, and started reading aloud Joshua chapter 1. By the time I got to the end of Joshua chapter 3, my 2-year-old son was asleep. Not exactly a miracle, since reading has put me to sleep many times, but it was an answer to my problems.

Seriously though, we can find real answers for life now by reading the scriptures. And I think it can really help families to find answers this way. First of all, the scriptures contain eternal truth. Second, searching for answers gives us a new perspective. And finally, it develops faith.

Eternal Truth

The difference between eternal truth and man’s truth is how long it stands before being disproven. Eternal truth is established by God and will never be disproven, hence being eternal. Man’s truth is an attempt to make sense of things and is good, most of the time, but it is not complete. So we need to establish our lives on eternal truths. Jesus said it himself, “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:” (Matt. 7:24) We know the parable; no matter what came, the house stood still because it was grounded on a solid foundation. When we base our decisions on eternal truths, we will be much better off.

I must say that we may not always understand eternal truths correctly, but at least we are starting with a pure source. If we continue to learn and try to apply what we know, our knowledge and understanding will grow.

New Perspective

Consulting scripture when you have problems helps you gain a new perspective. When we have a problem, we tend to think about it with only one view point. When we talk to someone else about our problems, they see it differently. This can often help us find a good solution to our problems because we see more options.

The scriptures offer a true story with real outcomes. We get to see two or more sides to a story as the stories unfold. If we think about what we are reading, God can enlighten our minds and we will see our lives more clearly.

Develop Faith

Searching for answers with a prayer in our heart and an open mind is an exercise in faith. As we try to understand God’s will for us and desire to follow that knowledge, we add layers of bricks to that house built on the Rock of our Redeemer. And families fixed on that kind of faith will be able to withstand the storms that will come.

Does It Work?

I have had many experiences but to illustrate what I mean, I want to share one experience. One day I was trying to figure out if I should start a new venture, which I knew would take some time and hard work. Like most people, I am busy, so finding time for this opportunity was a difficult decision. To make matters worse, there was no sure or immediate return on investment of this time. If I did it, I knew that it may be a labor of love more than a labor of monetary gain.

So I started by saying a prayer. I asked God to guide me and help me understand what was right for me and my family. So I opened my bible and started reading. I found a verse that said Ryan will do this that and the other and it will have this result. I closed the bible and lived happily ever after.

OK, it wasn’t that easy and it never is. I did open my bible and started reading. I read a chapter or two and as I reflected on what I read, one part stood out more than the rest. It was relevant to what I was wonder, so I noted that and opened to another section. I read a page or two and realized the theme of the story also related to my decision. This continued a few more times and then I reviewed what I had pondered and read. I tried to understand what it meant and then prayed again. I felt peace and decided I had my answer.

Sometimes, the answer comes in the scripture I read recently rather than just opening and reading, but I do spend some time reading and pondering. As I got more familiar with the scriptures, I knew where to find the stories that were related to what I was going through and then I could find my answers easier.

The moral of the story is God is trying to talk to us and give us understanding. When we listen and try to follow his words, we will not be disappointed. We will always learn.

Next week: Building a stable home

Family Virtues – Faith and Hope

Faith is believing you can, even when it seems
you shouldn't even try. My niece is doing a great job of
doing all she can.

On one summer vacation, we were driving through central Utah near Arches National Park with a couple other families. We stopped to stretch our legs and walk around the towering rock formations. I followed a few of the others to a high arch (probably 30 or 40 feet high) and saw that they were starting to climb on it. As you might expect, I wanted to follow their lead and started to climb myself. It was easy and comfortable for me to climb higher than the others. Whether that was because they were smart enough to stop sooner or because I wasn’t too concerned about getting down, I’m not sure. But as the rock started to curve and the holes became smaller, it occurred to me that getting down was going to be a problem.

It was around that time that the others noticed I was in trouble and someone called for my dad. When he saw the situation, he quickly ran to me and started to climb after me. I couldn’t look down, and he wasn’t in a position to pick me up. So he talked to me and coached me down the rock formation. I was scared, but I had learned that I could trust my dad and he would help me get down safely. I walked away that day, a little wiser and grateful to be on flat ground.

Faith is a belief in something not seen but hoped for. I also define faith as belief in action. When we allow a belief to cause us to act, we are exercising faith. This is important for children to learn because it teaches them to act for themselves. It teaches them to move forward to accomplish something they want or need to do. Faith is a common part of life, and it was my faith in my father and his guidance that gave me confidence to get down from the rock.

Speaking of rocks, the most important faith we can teach our children is faith in the Rock of our salvation. When we teach our children to act according to their beliefs, they gain confidence in the power of God. We see it in the women that believed if she could just touch Jesus’ robe, she would be healed (Mark 5:34). We see it in the blind man that went to Jesus and asked to have his sight restored (Mark 10:52). We see it in the Canaanite woman who called after Jesus and asked him to heal her daughter (Matt. 15:28). In all those cases, Jesus responded to the actively seeking him with some form of the following: Your faith hath made the whole. Obviously it was the power of God that healed them or their loved ones, but he was acknowledging their effort to seek him out as a necessary ingredient in the miracle.

How can we teach our children to seek out the Savior? We can tell them to pray and ask for God to help them. We should also make sure we are leading by example. Are we seeking the Lord? Are we getting up from our prayers ready to move and follow the guidance we are given? I am amazed at what my kids pick up on. They are watching to see how we react and will follow our actions more than our words.

Like my niece, there are times when we just have to
hope someone will help us get out. This hope helps
us smile when we are down in the dirt.

Hope is closely related to faith and is necessary in our lives. Like faith, hope is a belief that something good will happen even though we can’t see it. The difference I see is that hope comes when something is out of your control. Let me explain.

When I was serving a two year mission for my church in South Korea, I got a letter from my parents. Luckily, I was sitting down when I started to read it because I was shocked at the news. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and she would be going through chemotherapy immediately. I was thousands of miles from home, without a way to get home and even if I did go home, I couldn’t do anything once I got there. So I prayed for her and I got up and went to work. I had faith that God would answer my prayer, but I had a hope that she would be OK and would recover. My actions wouldn’t have a direct impact, though I think serving God as a missionary provides some blessings, my feeling was hope.

In the more eternal perspective, we hope for eternal life. A goal we could not achieve on our own. No amount of action could gain that reward. It is only through Christ that we can get that we can be saved from our sins (Titus 3:7). This hope is what gets us through the hard times when we lose a loved one before we are ready. We need faith to keep going, and hope can fuel the flame.

Again, kids need to see our example of hope more than hear our words. Are we hopeful when times are hard? Do we speak of hope when we have just cause to lament our fate? Are we full of hope in the words of Christ?

These are interesting days, but I believe God is aware of us and our needs. He is there guiding our footsteps as we scale life’s treacherous path. He comes to us always. It is up to us to act on this belief and see God’s hand in our lives. It is up to us to look forward with hope, not in man but in the power of God (Proverbs 10:28). Then we will see God do more than we ever could on our own.

Next week: Learning through parables