Learning from Children

Left to Right: Nathan, Caityln,
Samantha (cousin) and Hailey (cousin)

Kids teach some great lessons about life. I also learn a lot about God through my relationship with my kids. Below are a few stories and what I learned through those stories.  

Love

Our little girl has a big heart. When her brother fell and scraped his knee, she would run to her brother and ask him if he was OK, help him up and give him a big hug to help him calm down. She does it because she loves him, not because she has to. Other times she will sit with her brothers and look at books with them, not because she has to but because she wants to.

Our two younger boys are can be quite loving too. For no reason at all they will walk up to each other and give each other a big hug, grinning ear to ear. They will frequently run to me when I get home from work and yell, “Daddy, Daddy!” with arms wide open. They give me a squeeze and smile, just to say they love me and missed me.

Patience

Children are a huge tutorial in patience. Not that they are always patient, but they require patience.

Patience is learned when you know it will take twice as long to eat when the toddler is holding the fork, but they need to practice. Patience is required to let your three year old take his turn brushing his teeth so he develops the habits, even though you will need to take a turn so his teeth actually get clean. Patience comes from watching your five year old brush her hair, even though she may take ten minutes on one spot and think she is done.

Patience really comes when you realize the joy in seeing them each succeed at learning new skills. Kids help you put life into perspective. The kids are far more important than the mess, the technique or the completeness of the job. They will accomplish more when we love them through it all and show it.

Forgiveness

Unfortunately, I have not always shown my love and been completely patient with my children.

One evening, I was tired and irritable. I wasn’t in the mood for making big bubbles with our hands as we washed them. I wasn’t willing to wait for my 3 year old to check between each toe for toe jam before he got his pajamas on. I was annoyed with each delay and voiced that annoyance a little louder with each detour. About the time the kids decided it’s time to play hide and seek, rather than get in bed, I lost my temper and wasn’t nice with my words and probably promised punishment I knew I couldn’t follow through with. I left and my daughter was crying. About 5 minutes later, I had calmed down and put things back in perspective and went to apologize to the kids.

Although she reminded me that I should talk nicely, she was quick to return the hug and say “I love you.” I knew she had really forgiven me. When someone comes to me and says “I’m sorry,” I know I should forgive and forget like a little child.  

The activity is not that important as long
as we are doing it together.

Time is Precious

I try to leave my Saturday’s open for family time. I love to be with my kids. When I ask them what they want to do, the suggestions range from wrestling and building with blocks to playing house and reading books. My children are young, so maybe this will change, but the activity is not that important as long as we are doing it together.

Children are Heavenly

I have learned a lot about my relationship with God as I reflect on my relationship with my kids. I know many times how my child will react to something, before I ever tell them. I know some news will be hard to accept, i.e. “It’s bed time.” As their father, I know what they need and I will help them get what they need, but I want them to put forth effort too.

 My Heavenly Father knows me perfectly and knows how I will react, and he has placed growing opportunities in my path, so I can grow. He won’t give me a trial I can’t handle. Even when we are facing a difficult trial, he is ready to help us get through if we turn to him in faith.

My kids teach me many more things, but these are a few things that help me understand what Christ meant when he said, “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4) Or what Paul meant when he told the Corinthians, “Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men.” (1Corinthians 14:20)

Next week: Family Virtues – Love

The Importance of Fathers

Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children.

On summer while I was in high school, my father made finishing the basement a priority. He was not a builder by trade, but he never let lack of experience keep him from trying to improve our family’s situation. This project taught me many things, but one lesson has helped me a great deal over the years.

I don’t know why I wasn’t helping him one evening. But I heard him hammering, and a grunt of frustration soon followed. I walked in to see what was going on. I noticed the problem and saw the frustration evident in my father’s body language. He didn’t see me and I didn’t say anything. It looked like he was tensing up and ready to make a large hole in the shelves he was building to vent his anger. I watched to see if he would lose it on the shelves.

He didn’t lash out in anger.

I watched him bow his head, and take a couple deep breaths and then study his plans and study the situation to solve the problem.

There are a lot of details I have forgotten over the past 12 or 13 years, but I remember vividly the respect and honor I felt in seeing him control his emotion and calmly address the problem. There have been many times in my life when I felt frustration ready to explode in a rash of undesirable actions, but then I remembered my father’s example and I took a few deep breaths and tried again.

I believe the real importance of fathers in the family is to teach their sons to be men and show their daughters how a man should treat them.

I don’t define being a man the way society defines it. It’s not an age and it’s not a societal distinction that comes with a job. A man is a boy that has learned to love and respect others even if they are different from him. A man is honest with everyone including himself. A man lives the morals and ethics he believes in. A real man accepts responsibility and sacrifices when necessary to fulfill those responsibilities. I believe faith in God is also necessary to fulfill the true measure of a man.

A man is not afraid to love and show that love to his family. One of my favorite parables is the Prodigal Son parable. When the younger son decided to rebel, the father didn’t lock him in his room. He did what was just and allowed his son to learn from his mistakes. But the part that touches my heart every time is in Luke 15:20

“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck and kissed him.”

In my mind, this means the father was still hoping his son would come back and was looking into the distance for his son’s return. He didn’t harbor any bad feelings, he didn’t go inside and wait for him to come crawling for forgiveness. He ran to meet him. He loved his son and he let it show in how he treated him, even though the son didn’t feel like he deserved it.

As a father, I know that I must love and respect my wife if I want my daughter to know how she should be treated. I know that my sons are watching how I treat their mother and I need to be respectful, so they will do accordingly.

Father’s have the charge to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) That means we need to look after their well being, beyond just putting food on the table. Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children. Admonition means a gentle reproof or counsel against fault. Fathers should be fair and consistent, never handing out punishment in anger or abuse.

A father isn’t perfect, and I would never claim to be even close to perfect. But when a father leads by example and is honest, loyal, loving and respectful, he provides more than shelter and clothing. He teaches his kids how to make their own home.

Next week: Learning from children

The Importance of Mothers

Mothers are commonly seen as comforters
and caretakers. They make home a safe place
for God's children.

After breaking my nose at the end of my senior year of high school, I was to undergo surgery to get it put back into place. I had only been in surgery once before and it was uneventful. This experience however made a lasting impression on me. The surgery had gone well, and I was put in a room while the anesthesia wore off.

After some time, I woke and opened my eyes. To my horror, I couldn’t move my hands, arms, legs or feet. I couldn’t even move my head. I am sure my heart rate picked up as I wondered why I was suddenly paralyzed. I could see my mom waiting on a chair next to me, and I decided to close my eyes and relax a little.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and found I could move my head. I said one word, “Mom.” She immediately came to my side and asked what I wanted. All I could do was turn my hand over (which I was relieved to be able to do) and closed my eyes again. Comforted greatly by my mother’s presence.

This pattern of resting and slowly gaining more movement went on for what seemed like an hour, but that might just be because I was so anxious to get full mobility. There was no other person I wanted more than my mother at that moment.

I don’t imagine this is a foreign concept for most people. Mothers are commonly seen as comforters and caretakers. Moms are like God's secret service. Their activities are largely undocumented, their actions are timely and above all, they make home a safe place for God's children.

After God created man, he gave Adam the important task of naming all the animals. I am sure he had to look at them and study them to determine the proper name. We don’t have any rational for any of the other names, but when it came to naming the crown jewel of God’s creations, we are given the significance of her name,

“And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.” (Gen. 3:20)

Adam didn’t call her Beauty because she was only to look at. He didn’t call her Servant, because she was his slave. He didn’t even call her Trouble, because he shouldn’t have listened to her fruit preference. He chose what he saw as her most important role. They worked hard together; they mourned together and rejoiced together in raising their family.

Many in society belittle the role of women in building the home. In striving for equality, let’s remember that a mother in the home is as equally important as two in the workforce. If you remember the stats I shared in a previous post, mothers create stability in the home and provide crucial attention and nurturing for their children. Such stability reduces costly social problems.

While often unheralded, motherhood is the most influential position a woman can have. It was Moses’ mother, who risked her safety to give her son a chance to survive and thus changed the future of that nation. It was Hannah, the mother of Samuel, who taught him by example, to put the Lord first and prepared him for his later calling in life. You cannot overlook the great influence Mary had on the world, when she bore the son named Jesus Christ.

The Savior’s mission was to save mankind, but one of the final thoughts on his mind, while suffering on the cross, was of his mother.

 “Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.

“When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold they son!

“Then saith he to the disciple, behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home. (John 19:25-27)

Like the Savior, let us follow his example and look after our mothers. Let them know how important they are in our lives. Like the Proverb says, a foolish man despiseth his mother. A wise son knows that when times are tough, a mother's strength can see you through.

Next Week: The Importance of Fathers

The Value of Family in Society

Take every opportunity to teach your children
by example and sometimes with words,
and see how the Lord blesses you.

One of the first things we read about Abram is that not only will he be blessed, but that “in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” We follow Abram as he travels to Egypt and his adventure continues as he fights to free his nephew Lot. Even as he struggles with not being blessed with children, we see that Abram is a man of great character. In Genesis 18, we learn why Abram (now Abraham) will be a blessing to all families of the earth.

“Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?

“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” (Gen. 18:18-19)

Abraham’s family would be blessed because Abraham would teach them to follow God’s commandments. Abraham would teach them to be just and fair. These attributes, though not always followed by the Israelites over the years, were followed exceptionally well by a later descendant: the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ. The example of Abraham in keeping the commandments of the Lord showed us how we can receive the blessings promised to those that are faithful.

Without teaching children to keep commandments and failing to establish a moral compass, parents have played a role in creating some of our social problems. Research has shown that as the family has become less stable and parents become less involved children struggle in many ways.

Children that grow up in an unstable home, where homelessness is a possibility, are more likely to be more aggressive and more delinquent, while also being more likely to be anxious and depressed. Mother’s of children without a stable home are more likely to drink, smoke and use drugs during their pregnancy than mothers in a stable home environment. And the children in those homes are more likely to go to the emergency room by the age of 5 than those in stable homes. (Research by the Institute for Children, Poverty and Homelessness, www.ICPHusa.org)

Our school systems are constantly berated for failing to teach America’s youth to succeed. According to familyfacts.org, parents hold as much or more responsibility than the teachers.

“While academic research has consistently shown that increased spending does not correlate with educational gains, the research does show a strong relationship between parental influences and children's educational outcomes, from school readiness to college completion. Two compelling parental factors emerge:

“ 1. Family structure, i.e., the number of parents living in the student's home and their relationships to the child, and


“ 2. Parents' involvement in their children's schoolwork.

“Consequently, the solution to improving educational outcomes begins at home, by strengthening marriage and promoting stable family formation and parental involvement.”

Familyfacts.org research also states, “Those who attend religious services each week tend to volunteer more in their local communities.” That’s no doubt aided by the teachings received at church and probably taught at home.

Moses explained the importance of teaching our children and keeping the commandments to the Isrealites as they traveled in the wilderness

“And thou shalt teach [the commandments] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

“And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.” (Deut. 6:7, 24)

My favorite part is when Moses tells them that it’s “for our good always.” No matter how inconvenient or difficult the Lord’s commands, they are always for our good.

We have discussed a few of the ways teaching your children to keep the Lord’s commandments can benefit our society, but there are many more. Try it! Take every opportunity to teach your children by example and sometimes with words, and see how the Lord blesses you.

Next Week: The Importance of Mothers