Learning from Children

Left to Right: Nathan, Caityln,
Samantha (cousin) and Hailey (cousin)

Kids teach some great lessons about life. I also learn a lot about God through my relationship with my kids. Below are a few stories and what I learned through those stories.  

Love

Our little girl has a big heart. When her brother fell and scraped his knee, she would run to her brother and ask him if he was OK, help him up and give him a big hug to help him calm down. She does it because she loves him, not because she has to. Other times she will sit with her brothers and look at books with them, not because she has to but because she wants to.

Our two younger boys are can be quite loving too. For no reason at all they will walk up to each other and give each other a big hug, grinning ear to ear. They will frequently run to me when I get home from work and yell, “Daddy, Daddy!” with arms wide open. They give me a squeeze and smile, just to say they love me and missed me.

Patience

Children are a huge tutorial in patience. Not that they are always patient, but they require patience.

Patience is learned when you know it will take twice as long to eat when the toddler is holding the fork, but they need to practice. Patience is required to let your three year old take his turn brushing his teeth so he develops the habits, even though you will need to take a turn so his teeth actually get clean. Patience comes from watching your five year old brush her hair, even though she may take ten minutes on one spot and think she is done.

Patience really comes when you realize the joy in seeing them each succeed at learning new skills. Kids help you put life into perspective. The kids are far more important than the mess, the technique or the completeness of the job. They will accomplish more when we love them through it all and show it.

Forgiveness

Unfortunately, I have not always shown my love and been completely patient with my children.

One evening, I was tired and irritable. I wasn’t in the mood for making big bubbles with our hands as we washed them. I wasn’t willing to wait for my 3 year old to check between each toe for toe jam before he got his pajamas on. I was annoyed with each delay and voiced that annoyance a little louder with each detour. About the time the kids decided it’s time to play hide and seek, rather than get in bed, I lost my temper and wasn’t nice with my words and probably promised punishment I knew I couldn’t follow through with. I left and my daughter was crying. About 5 minutes later, I had calmed down and put things back in perspective and went to apologize to the kids.

Although she reminded me that I should talk nicely, she was quick to return the hug and say “I love you.” I knew she had really forgiven me. When someone comes to me and says “I’m sorry,” I know I should forgive and forget like a little child.  

The activity is not that important as long
as we are doing it together.

Time is Precious

I try to leave my Saturday’s open for family time. I love to be with my kids. When I ask them what they want to do, the suggestions range from wrestling and building with blocks to playing house and reading books. My children are young, so maybe this will change, but the activity is not that important as long as we are doing it together.

Children are Heavenly

I have learned a lot about my relationship with God as I reflect on my relationship with my kids. I know many times how my child will react to something, before I ever tell them. I know some news will be hard to accept, i.e. “It’s bed time.” As their father, I know what they need and I will help them get what they need, but I want them to put forth effort too.

 My Heavenly Father knows me perfectly and knows how I will react, and he has placed growing opportunities in my path, so I can grow. He won’t give me a trial I can’t handle. Even when we are facing a difficult trial, he is ready to help us get through if we turn to him in faith.

My kids teach me many more things, but these are a few things that help me understand what Christ meant when he said, “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4) Or what Paul meant when he told the Corinthians, “Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men.” (1Corinthians 14:20)

Next week: Family Virtues – Love

The Importance of Fathers

Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children.

On summer while I was in high school, my father made finishing the basement a priority. He was not a builder by trade, but he never let lack of experience keep him from trying to improve our family’s situation. This project taught me many things, but one lesson has helped me a great deal over the years.

I don’t know why I wasn’t helping him one evening. But I heard him hammering, and a grunt of frustration soon followed. I walked in to see what was going on. I noticed the problem and saw the frustration evident in my father’s body language. He didn’t see me and I didn’t say anything. It looked like he was tensing up and ready to make a large hole in the shelves he was building to vent his anger. I watched to see if he would lose it on the shelves.

He didn’t lash out in anger.

I watched him bow his head, and take a couple deep breaths and then study his plans and study the situation to solve the problem.

There are a lot of details I have forgotten over the past 12 or 13 years, but I remember vividly the respect and honor I felt in seeing him control his emotion and calmly address the problem. There have been many times in my life when I felt frustration ready to explode in a rash of undesirable actions, but then I remembered my father’s example and I took a few deep breaths and tried again.

I believe the real importance of fathers in the family is to teach their sons to be men and show their daughters how a man should treat them.

I don’t define being a man the way society defines it. It’s not an age and it’s not a societal distinction that comes with a job. A man is a boy that has learned to love and respect others even if they are different from him. A man is honest with everyone including himself. A man lives the morals and ethics he believes in. A real man accepts responsibility and sacrifices when necessary to fulfill those responsibilities. I believe faith in God is also necessary to fulfill the true measure of a man.

A man is not afraid to love and show that love to his family. One of my favorite parables is the Prodigal Son parable. When the younger son decided to rebel, the father didn’t lock him in his room. He did what was just and allowed his son to learn from his mistakes. But the part that touches my heart every time is in Luke 15:20

“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck and kissed him.”

In my mind, this means the father was still hoping his son would come back and was looking into the distance for his son’s return. He didn’t harbor any bad feelings, he didn’t go inside and wait for him to come crawling for forgiveness. He ran to meet him. He loved his son and he let it show in how he treated him, even though the son didn’t feel like he deserved it.

As a father, I know that I must love and respect my wife if I want my daughter to know how she should be treated. I know that my sons are watching how I treat their mother and I need to be respectful, so they will do accordingly.

Father’s have the charge to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4) That means we need to look after their well being, beyond just putting food on the table. Fathers need to be engaged in teaching and loving their children. Admonition means a gentle reproof or counsel against fault. Fathers should be fair and consistent, never handing out punishment in anger or abuse.

A father isn’t perfect, and I would never claim to be even close to perfect. But when a father leads by example and is honest, loyal, loving and respectful, he provides more than shelter and clothing. He teaches his kids how to make their own home.

Next week: Learning from children

The Importance of Mothers

Mothers are commonly seen as comforters
and caretakers. They make home a safe place
for God's children.

After breaking my nose at the end of my senior year of high school, I was to undergo surgery to get it put back into place. I had only been in surgery once before and it was uneventful. This experience however made a lasting impression on me. The surgery had gone well, and I was put in a room while the anesthesia wore off.

After some time, I woke and opened my eyes. To my horror, I couldn’t move my hands, arms, legs or feet. I couldn’t even move my head. I am sure my heart rate picked up as I wondered why I was suddenly paralyzed. I could see my mom waiting on a chair next to me, and I decided to close my eyes and relax a little.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and found I could move my head. I said one word, “Mom.” She immediately came to my side and asked what I wanted. All I could do was turn my hand over (which I was relieved to be able to do) and closed my eyes again. Comforted greatly by my mother’s presence.

This pattern of resting and slowly gaining more movement went on for what seemed like an hour, but that might just be because I was so anxious to get full mobility. There was no other person I wanted more than my mother at that moment.

I don’t imagine this is a foreign concept for most people. Mothers are commonly seen as comforters and caretakers. Moms are like God's secret service. Their activities are largely undocumented, their actions are timely and above all, they make home a safe place for God's children.

After God created man, he gave Adam the important task of naming all the animals. I am sure he had to look at them and study them to determine the proper name. We don’t have any rational for any of the other names, but when it came to naming the crown jewel of God’s creations, we are given the significance of her name,

“And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.” (Gen. 3:20)

Adam didn’t call her Beauty because she was only to look at. He didn’t call her Servant, because she was his slave. He didn’t even call her Trouble, because he shouldn’t have listened to her fruit preference. He chose what he saw as her most important role. They worked hard together; they mourned together and rejoiced together in raising their family.

Many in society belittle the role of women in building the home. In striving for equality, let’s remember that a mother in the home is as equally important as two in the workforce. If you remember the stats I shared in a previous post, mothers create stability in the home and provide crucial attention and nurturing for their children. Such stability reduces costly social problems.

While often unheralded, motherhood is the most influential position a woman can have. It was Moses’ mother, who risked her safety to give her son a chance to survive and thus changed the future of that nation. It was Hannah, the mother of Samuel, who taught him by example, to put the Lord first and prepared him for his later calling in life. You cannot overlook the great influence Mary had on the world, when she bore the son named Jesus Christ.

The Savior’s mission was to save mankind, but one of the final thoughts on his mind, while suffering on the cross, was of his mother.

 “Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.

“When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold they son!

“Then saith he to the disciple, behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home. (John 19:25-27)

Like the Savior, let us follow his example and look after our mothers. Let them know how important they are in our lives. Like the Proverb says, a foolish man despiseth his mother. A wise son knows that when times are tough, a mother's strength can see you through.

Next Week: The Importance of Fathers

The Value of Family in Society

Take every opportunity to teach your children
by example and sometimes with words,
and see how the Lord blesses you.

One of the first things we read about Abram is that not only will he be blessed, but that “in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” We follow Abram as he travels to Egypt and his adventure continues as he fights to free his nephew Lot. Even as he struggles with not being blessed with children, we see that Abram is a man of great character. In Genesis 18, we learn why Abram (now Abraham) will be a blessing to all families of the earth.

“Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?

“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” (Gen. 18:18-19)

Abraham’s family would be blessed because Abraham would teach them to follow God’s commandments. Abraham would teach them to be just and fair. These attributes, though not always followed by the Israelites over the years, were followed exceptionally well by a later descendant: the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ. The example of Abraham in keeping the commandments of the Lord showed us how we can receive the blessings promised to those that are faithful.

Without teaching children to keep commandments and failing to establish a moral compass, parents have played a role in creating some of our social problems. Research has shown that as the family has become less stable and parents become less involved children struggle in many ways.

Children that grow up in an unstable home, where homelessness is a possibility, are more likely to be more aggressive and more delinquent, while also being more likely to be anxious and depressed. Mother’s of children without a stable home are more likely to drink, smoke and use drugs during their pregnancy than mothers in a stable home environment. And the children in those homes are more likely to go to the emergency room by the age of 5 than those in stable homes. (Research by the Institute for Children, Poverty and Homelessness, www.ICPHusa.org)

Our school systems are constantly berated for failing to teach America’s youth to succeed. According to familyfacts.org, parents hold as much or more responsibility than the teachers.

“While academic research has consistently shown that increased spending does not correlate with educational gains, the research does show a strong relationship between parental influences and children's educational outcomes, from school readiness to college completion. Two compelling parental factors emerge:

“ 1. Family structure, i.e., the number of parents living in the student's home and their relationships to the child, and


“ 2. Parents' involvement in their children's schoolwork.

“Consequently, the solution to improving educational outcomes begins at home, by strengthening marriage and promoting stable family formation and parental involvement.”

Familyfacts.org research also states, “Those who attend religious services each week tend to volunteer more in their local communities.” That’s no doubt aided by the teachings received at church and probably taught at home.

Moses explained the importance of teaching our children and keeping the commandments to the Isrealites as they traveled in the wilderness

“And thou shalt teach [the commandments] diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

“And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.” (Deut. 6:7, 24)

My favorite part is when Moses tells them that it’s “for our good always.” No matter how inconvenient or difficult the Lord’s commands, they are always for our good.

We have discussed a few of the ways teaching your children to keep the Lord’s commandments can benefit our society, but there are many more. Try it! Take every opportunity to teach your children by example and sometimes with words, and see how the Lord blesses you.

Next Week: The Importance of Mothers

Success in the home, treasures in heaven

Nathan eating S'mores. The fact that he is offering me some is a
testament to his love: Truly a treasure.

There once was a man that was walking through a field. He was lost in thought about the worries and demands in his life. He ventured from the path he normally took and sat on a large rock. As he sat there, he kicked a stone. To his astonishment, he discovered the rock had concealed a large gold coin. After he picked it up, he noticed it was partially covering another coin. As he started brushing the dirt away, he found more gold than he had ever seen. He thought the field must have more treasure hidden from view. He immediately got up and went to his home and sold everything he had, including his home, and purchased the field.

The Savior told that parable, albeit a shorter version, in Matt. 13:44. It was part of a series of short parables about the Kingdom of God. He was teaching his disciples that those who discover the true value of the Kingdom of Heaven, will do whatever it takes to go into it.

In proverbs we learn that the effort of those righteous will be rewarded while material gain will leave us empty.

“Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death.” (Proverbs 10:2)

Jesus taught it this way to Peter.

“For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?

For the Son of Man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works. (Matt 16:26)

You may be thinking, ‘This is talking about personal salvation, not families.’ I would respond, that they are related. You cannot save yourself and ignore your family. Paul gave Timothy this counsel.

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Tim. 5:8)

Our greatest responsibility in this life is taking care of our family. Providing physical needs is not the only duty of parents. Parents need to provide for their children’s mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. While it isn’t always fun to discipline, correct or have patience with your children, you are earning your reward.

Sometimes we get a taste of this reward: When a mother gets to hold her newborn baby for the first time; when your three year old says, “I love you Daddy,” as you are tucking her in; or when your child learns to conquer a fear with faith. These moments are a glimmer of the reward waiting in heaven for those that put as much, or more, effort into earning heavenly treasures as they do gaining earthly riches.

Caitlyn is really enjoying her S'more too. Who knew S'mores
could be so much fun, even without a campfire.

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matt. 6:19-21)

If time is money, make an investment in your family. Put your heart into it, and you will discover the greatest treasure we can have: a happy, loving family.

Next Weeks: The Value of the Family in Society

Pattern of the Family

So what is the pattern of the family?
How should the family behave?

I believe family is ordained of God. He established it. Shortly after creating the first man and woman, he joined them together as the first couple.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2: 24)

This means a husband and wife are to be completely loyal to each other and their relationship is paramount in their lives. God knew life was going to be difficult and so he gave Adam an help meet, Eve. Neither man nor woman was better than the other. (Corinthians 11:11)

God took a rib from Adam’s side, close to his heart, suggesting husband and wife should walk side by side through the trials of life. Woman wasn’t made from the foot or head, so she is not to be stepped on or domineering over man. Husband and wife need to help each other and strengthening each other. Becoming one flesh.

All too often we hear of divorces that break up families and cause great heartache. It isn’t for me to judge if a divorce is the right choice or not. The Savior taught an important lesson on this matter.

The Pharisees came to Jesus wanting to trap him in the law on this very subject. They asked him if it is lawful for a man to divorce “his wife for every cause.” Jesus responded by saying,

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matt. 19:5-6)

I think what Jesus was saying was, ‘Is this why God commanded you to marry: so you could divorce? Husbands and wives are supposed to be loyal and united. Don’t be so quick to end a relationship ordained by God.’

So what is the pattern of the family? How should the family behave? Paul taught the Ephesians the pattern very well, so I will summaries his words from Ephesians 5:22-6:4

To the women he counseled them to submit to their husbands. He didn’t say be ignorant or silent. He didn’t say you are worthless, but said to submit like they submit to the Lord. Or in other words, support your husband as he tries to lead the family in righteousness.

To the men he said to love your wife and sacrifice yourself for her sake. Love her like you love yourself. Cherish her and support her like the Lord cherishes and supports his people.

To the children he reminds them of the first of the Ten Commandments that comes with a promise. “Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land, which the Lord thy God giveth thee”. Remember: Obedience is better than sacrifice, or in other words saying ‘I will’ is better than saying ‘I’m sorry.’

Paul counseled the parent’s (he says fathers, but I’m sure it counts for mothers too) not to provoke their kids but to teach them about God. The best lessons are taught by example. Show them love and show them how to worship. Show your kids you are pleased with them by praising them like Heavenly Father praised Jesus in Matt. 3:17.

If we are to put the family in it’s proper place of priority in our lives, we need to follow this wise council.

“Put everything you do outside the home in subjection to and in support of what happens inside your home.” (Elder M. Russel Ballard, May Ensign 2011)

While I believe this is the pattern we should follow, it’s imperative that we work on our own family to implement this Godly pattern and let others work on theirs. Judge not that ye be not judged.

Next week: Success in the Home, Treasure in Heaven

What to expect from Family Parables Blog

I love my family!

I love the scriptures!

I know that God gave us both families and scriptures to help us grow. I find the scriptures answer my questions and help me make better decisions in life. I also see great promises from God for people that decide to follow his words. I believe that if families found modern application for biblical principles, we would all be much happier and our families will be much stronger. That’s the premise for Family Parables. The Family Parable books specifically talk about a family that uses Jesus’ parables to solve their problems.

This blog is all about the family and principles taught in the scriptures to help strengthen families. Scriptural truths are eternal. They never lose importance or power. To demonstrate these truths, I will incorporate stories as often as possible, some fictional and some factual. I think we understand principles better when we see them in context. 

I openly acknowledge my imperfections as a husband, father and reader of scriptures. If there are mistakes in my logic or explanation, I apologize up front. Don’t let my weakness keep you from learning something that can help bring you closer to God.

I hope you will use these blog posts to start discussions with your family and then continue learning with your own prayerful study of the scriptures.

Next week’s blog: The family is under attack.

The Family is Under Attack

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I believe the family is the most basic and important societal unit. Like any good father, I want to protect my family, which is why I am writing this blog. The family is under attack.

The family has always been under attack. This attack gains momentum every year. It affects each family a little differently, but we are all affected. Fifty percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. Cohabitation is acceptable in much of society, which is actually just a new name for adultery. Fifty-four percent of first marriages between 1990 and 1994 began with cohabitation. Marriages that start in cohabitation are more likely to end in divorce according to a CDC report. More than half of the children born today are born to unwed mothers according to a NY Times article. Murder is rampant, but more alarming is the number of killings that occur within the family. The breakdown of the fundamental family unit, a mother, father and children contributes to the societal and economic ills we see all around us (source).

Who is behind this widespread assault on families? And is it a problem?

The attacker is not a politician or a societal organization, though many of both have taken part throughout the ages. The real master of the breakdown is the devil and he is very cunning. He cannot have a family and resents its very existence. He will enlist all he can to help his cause, and always has his sights set on destroying the family.

We do have an ally and advocate that is more powerful than that crafty, old snake. His name is Jesus Christ. We have his words throughout the ages from prophets and apostles to guide us. Their words are scripture and are as applicable now as they ever were.

Is it a problem? Yes!

“The real question, of course, is about cause and effect,” says Elder M. Russel Ballard of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “Do some sectors of our society have stronger values and families because they are more educated and prosperous, or are they more educated and prosperous because they have values and strong families? … It is the latter. When people make family and religious commitments to gospel principles, they begin to do better spiritually and often temporally as well.”

The family is ordained of God, and as such the devil hates it. As with everything God does, he has a purpose. We may not always see it, but He always knows what He’s doing and has a reason for it. He established the family with Adam and Eve. He saved Noah’s family in the flood. He promised Abraham’s family prosperity for all time and they would be as numberless as the stars. God even sent an angel to Joseph to counsel him not to quit on Mary so Christ would have a father (that’s not the only reason, but I believe it’s one of them). God’s care for the family is repeatedly shown in the scriptures.

Take stock of how your family is doing. Are there forces trying to divide you? Are you letting personal pursuits dominate your responsibilities in the home? Mothers and fathers have a sacred responsibility to take care of their children.

If your family is whole or not, Jesus Christ is still your advocate and he wants to help you protect your family from Satan. Trust in him and learn of him as you protect your family.

The family is under attack, but it’s worth fighting for.

Next week: The Pattern of Family